The urge is strong to make a move here. I want there to be some kind of resolution, a "do it or get off the pot" moment. Sign the lease, create real space between us, and use that space to decide how I want to proceed.
A couple of cautions:
During indifference other feelings will loom and appear larger than they truly are.
Decisions and actions taken based upon feelings very often lead to regrets.
Originally Posted by Maturin
For others here who have had to be in the driver's seat, how do you decide when you're done waiting? After years of wayward behavior and months of living like roommates I want there to be resolution. But I just re-read DnJ's earlier post in this thread and am considering the virtue in being patient.
Patience.
You have the gift of time. Use it wisely.
I understand and empathize with your feelings of frustration and wanting resolution. Perfectly normal and valid. And feelings are fleeting. Let them flit. Cease reinforcing them.
Realize you don’t wait. You aren’t to be waiting.
Time and space. Letting go. Moving forward. GAL. Focusing on you. Doing nothing is doing something. Embrace limbo and uncertainty. These are more than catchy phrases. They are deep tenets with much meaning.
One could be in a separate residence and be waiting. One could be living under the same roof and be successfully moving forward and thriving. It’s not about physical space, it’s about emotional space.
“Sign the lease, create real space between us, and use that space to decide how I want to proceed.”
Yes, create real space. Drop the rope. Let W feel the loss. Allow yourself to find your convictions, sans the commotion from W. Find your deep beliefs and values, and make decisions upon them more than how you temporarily feel. That, takes time.
Originally Posted by Maturin
It would be the perfect second place for us to use during a "nesting separation"…
I’d not craft it as “perfect”. Your mind is listening and creating your view as you ask it to. It’s a place to utilize for nesting separation. It’s not perfect. It’s just your feelings seeking affirmation and reinforcement. Look deeper than that. IMHO.
Originally Posted by Maturin
To be honest one of the reasons I'm inclined to rent another apartment is that the more I make these changes and focus on myself, the less I want to be around her.
Originally Posted by Maturin
In the moment it felt weird, and only later upon reflection did I realize it "felt weird" because I didn't feel like I loved her, at least the way I used to. This has never happened before. I chalk it up to really thinking deeply about what she did, and what has transpired since, and what I want. Combine that with zero physical intimacy for four months and all of the associated chemical reactions diminishing, and you have a recipe for not feeling like you love a person.
Indifference is a strange landscape. Make no major decisions while first wandering about and getting your bearings. And yes, it likely has never happened before. Continue moving forward and look to your logic, reason, and beliefs. Remember, indifference does unwind.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
