How do you know that she's not in an active affair?
I don't. If I've learned anything from all this, it's that I will never be certain of that fact again whether with this wife or the next relationship. She had a PA right under my nose and I suspected absolutely nothing until a year later. I was busy buying my family our forever home and taking victory laps in the Provider Olympics while she was sleeping with another man. So, I don't know she's not in an active affair.
Why is my best guess that she is not in an active affair? She is going out less and generally pretty down when she's here. She swears up and down that it was a one time thing and nothing else has happened. Everyone who knew about this for the last 2-3 years has told me it was a one-off thing that crushed her under a mountain of guilt.
Do I believe her when she says it was a one off thing? No, I don't. I believe she had other one-off indiscretions during the deepest parts of her waywardness, whether that was making out with someone while drunk or whatever. That is what I believe. And if she ever comes around and asks what it will take to reconcile, I will tell her that she needs to be honest with me about everything that's happened. Do I think that will happen? I don't, the more I reflect on it the more I believe she is nowhere close to that kind of disclosure. Hence my post about looking for apartments. This is my life, I've spun wheels for three years and I'm very curious about what life could look like without all this chaos.
