I had a wonderful weekend out of town with my kids. One of my core values is "treat life as an adventure and seek new experiences" and I am trying to pass this to my kids via example. Having done several of these mini-vacations away (local trips that last 2-3 days) I've noticed several things:
1. My kids and I are closer during and after these trips, and they are much more affectionate. 2. The unique memories created become like a well I can return to when things get tough. 3. My kids develop a view that the world is an exciting place and should be explored. "Where should we go next time Dad?" is a question I heard yesterday.
I find myself feeling sorry for my W, who misses out on these memories. She mentioned when we got home that "I should have just gone with you guys, it wasn't that fun here". Keep in mind I did not invite her. Not out of spite, I just didn't extend an invitation.
I had a tough time falling asleep Saturday evening. I was thinking about all the lying that W had to engage in over three years to keep her PA from me and I was revisiting every argument we had over that time in my mind. I was thinking about all the times she chose the "party crowd" over us and became pretty resentful. It's remarkable how naïve I was over that time, thinking things would work out and we had just hit a rough patch. With the benefit of hindsight I can now see how broken my W is, how broken our MR had become, and how unhelpful my behaviors have been. By morning I had re-centered myself and was fully focused on the present and letting go of the past.
I remain optimistic and positive, not bringing up any R talk and focused on me. While it's still a very manual exercise for me to remain centered, not get goaded into arguments, and be the new 180 version of myself, it's getting easier every week.
GAL goals for the week: one yoga class, lunch with friends, and max'ing time with an out-of-town brother while he is home.
Happy New Year everyone, I wish each of you the best in 2024.
