Either way, I feel my self respect growing and staying calm when she’s boiling over and accusing me of things. Also mentioned the phone and that didn’t ruffle many feathers.
Remember this feeling and come back to it when you feel less centered. This has helped me a lot: I would backslide often until I was able to really center myself correctly during these kinds of interactions. Consistency is very important when it comes to changing yourself and I had to learn the hard way. Now I'm pleased to say it's been months (maybe 3 or 4?) since I allowed W's reactions/moods to impact me.
Originally Posted by Kind18
You MUST get comfortable with her being angry. You’re doing a 180 here (completely the opposite of what she’s used to), and so she’s going to act out. Many people arrive here, try 180’s, see their spouse getting angry and think it’s not working or that they need to be nice again to keep the peace. Don’t make that mistake, today was a great step forward. Learn to disassociate her behaviour and angry outbursts with whether your DBing is being successful.
This is the value of reading all threads here on the boards and not just your own. Very helpful comment for my sitch as well.
