Well a little update over the holidays. My H and Son 20 (not his bio son) got in a huge argument about two weeks before christmas. of course my sone truth truth darts at him for what he has done to me. I left and went outside. h came out and made sure and tell me "See thats what yu raised in there. I total screw up" I didn't respond. I did tell him later that I knew he wasn't the one to start it and he handled it well to start with. he then gave me the ultimatum that if if I wanted to show him i was willing to make changes I would make my sone move out. and made sure and throw in that he is only home for the kids but even that isn't worth it anymore. my sone was scheduled to move out in two days anyways. my son stayed at home that night but felt uncomfortable and wanted to get away so I got him a hotel with a hot tub so he could get some alone and rest time before moving.
After that he did call and apologize for yelling at me and talked to my son some over text and said he commends him for trying to protect me.
since then has been decent, he still will blow up and a few times literally run out of the living room and slam the bedroom door like my 6yo does. I have not responded to any of these actions and probably about 10 minutes after he is normally back out and acting normal. He has also started being very paranoid about stuff at the house. we live way out in the country so during the day we normally dont lock the door while we are home and going in and out. he now locks and double checks all the deadbolts and sleeps with his rifle by his bead. he isn't sleeping hardly at all unless we are all at home and he is in the living room in his chair. he was also always a back sleeper. now he is in such a wrapped up fetal position its like a little ball. he cycles with his clothing and the "normal" lasts longer than the homeless look but it still goes back and forth a lot.
we had christmas eve with his fathers side and he was nice to us but took every chance to yell and belittle his father for anything possible. He did get me a gift that he was exited about though. I didn't expect that. Nothing big just a new crock pot that he knew I was needing.
the rest of christmas was spent at a cabin with his moms side of the family. we were at a cabin and had to share a room. the first time sleeping in the same room in 16 months since bd and him leaving for the ow. it also marked him being home for 3 months. he was nice but distant to start with but then made some comments about making sure I was comfortable. I am always freezing cold and he asked if i wanted him to turn up the heat. i told him I wound be ok because if he did everyone else would be to hot. he said " well I dont care about everyone else"/ It was a small thing and I dont want to look to into it but about the only time in years he has put my needs over his family. then towards the end he came and sat next to me on the sofa. he has only done that one day since bd and that was back in april. any other time he will sit as far away from me as possible. then he had to work the last night and I got a horrible sinus headache and he offered to run me out medicine. something that he wouldn't do even before bd for a year or so.
His mother on the other hand was super rude to me and the other sons wife but she made sure and didnt do it while my husband was there so he never seen it.
so all in all it was good. he is still very withdrawn but has made some small plans for things he wants to do at the house. even saying his nanny should come and put here trailer there at our house after his pappa passes. said me and her could do a garden and raise some chickens together. so I think those are some positives.
me on the other hand have been struggling with patients. I have been doing a lot for myself but to be honest i am tired of being a wife to some one that is hardly a husband. yes this last few weeks have been better but I still feel like he is taking advantage of the situation. I want to talk to him about where we are but know I cant and I have to let that come from him but I am just struggling with anger lately because i just see him sweeping this under the rug like he always has with so many other issues. I need to get to the gym to get my anger out. I know I will be ok in a day or so but this last few days I am just done. I know we have a long way left to go. and I do see it going back to how he was as far as treating me to when it was bad just before bd. I have read it is like a balloon and it changes and goes up and then goes backwards but with changes (and a lot more damage) down to the normal, he was in this 1 1.2 to 2 years pre bd so I guess it will take at least that long to get better.
