I was reading along, catching up after a few busy days here with family and kids. I smiled at your acceptance and embracing of things and uncertainty.
Originally Posted by MrP
DnJ, you'll hopefully be proud to know that I'm following your sage advice and making myself comfortable in Limboland!
Got to admit, I’m touched.
I was reading along and did a long pause here. Yes, I am proud of you. Sincerely, you are doing very well. Good living and good advice to fellow posters/travellers.
Originally Posted by MrP
W pulled me aside to say we need to talk about what we're doing. The D papers she filed expire soon and if we're not going to do anything then she'll have wasted some money. She lobbed the idea of staying together at least through D13's time in high school to see how things go. Also, she noted that my mom was very kind to her on Christmas Day (recall they've had some struggles).
Interesting.
I believe awakening starts with a whisper of doubt.
You replied well, and nicely did not jump upon her plan, nor committed to anything.
Thanking her for sharing was excellent.
If you decide to follow up, I’d add something along the lines of “I am willing to explore you and I. To see if we still have any spark or chemistry. To see if we get along. I’m different. I’ve changed and grown; you might not like who I’ve become.”
Also, it’s Christmas. This time of year stirs emotions. Lots of folks feel regrets and such, and those feelings flit as quick as the decorations are boxed away.
Still, emotions do come from somewhere. Inside W there is something going on. Will she’ll bury it or face it.
Originally Posted by MrP
Part of being a good H means standing by a W through (sickness and health, til death do us part), right? I also recall MWD suggesting kids are one, important (not the primary) reason couples should work to stay happy and together. This site is about DBing after all.
Right you are.
W obviously has some feelings of loss. This is good. Let those feelings help the cause.
Yes, kids are important. So is respect and loyalty and faithfulness.
In my opinion, most marriages fail, as do reconciliations, because of love. Let me explain a bit.
Getting married because you love them is not a good thing. You already have the love, so why get married?
Marrying for love is no better than marrying for money, or power, or fame, etc. As love waxes and wanes so does the “reason” to be married.
Instead, people should marry because they respect the other person. They respect and value that other person’s beliefs, viewpoints, opinions, choices, and so on. Of course they love them. Yet realize, love is the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. Respect is the cake and substance of a relationship.
Something to consider while in Limboland.
Respect is still possible even while indifferent. A better chance at a successful reconciliation comes from knowing, actually believing, in respect towards the other person. Consistent and demonstrated positive behaviour fosters respect. Love will come.
It takes time and effort to regain respect and trust. Oh both sides. To both find it, and to demonstrate it. When gauging probabilities look to those signs, rather than signs of love and feelings. IMHO.
Originally Posted by MrP
DnJ often reminds people about the gift of time.
You have the gift of time here. Use it well.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
