If your h starts relationship talks you can listen and if he is talking about the relationship in a negative way say "I'm sorry you feel that way) and then walk away or find something to do. One habit we have is if they are speaking to us in a negative way, we want to defend ourselves. The best thing you can do is either walk away or change the subject very quickly.
What I have found in most cases is that the crisis person tends to want to talk about relationships because they are trying to not only convince the spouse/partner it is over, but they are also trying to convince themselves. The person in crisis has a tendency to project what they are either doing or thinking on to the other person. Don't buy into the rubbish. You know what type of relationship you have whether it was a good or a bad one.
If he comes to your room, you can either stay in there with him or get up and move to another room and find something to do. You have choices. You need to make the choice that is best for you and your emotional health. If you want to stay there and listen to his rubbish, so be it...but it is truly better to remove yourself from his rubbish talking.
As for the ow, let her do all of the dirty work, i.e., putting pressure on him. Right now, he has the best of both worlds. Are you still doing his laundry, cooking his meals and doing his errand running? Maybe it's time to step back a bit and let your man/child do some of his own things. After all, you are not his mother...you are his wife.
You didn't ask to go on this journey with him, but you sure can get off that crazy train and take care of yourself and your family. The more you focus on him, the less time you have to focus on yourself.
Mia, so what do you have planned for the rest of the week? Time to think about some new hobbies, a walk or a drive. You do not need to tell him everything that you are doing. Be mysterious...give him something to think about and wonder what you are doing and where you are. Go out and try to enjoy yourself a bit. You may find a nice drive or walk or just going to the mall will raise your spirits.
No matter what happens, if you make a mistake, learn from it and then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue moving forward. Trust me, we all have made many mistakes along the way and once you learn from them...you will discover that life gets a little easier.
Hang in there! Be kind to yourself, please do not beat yourself up...this is a work in progress, i.e., one step forward, two steps back.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
