Mia, Job is an absolute expert at this stuff and is giving you incredibly good advice here.
A few things from me:
1. If your husband went away overseas for a work trip for two weeks, would you dress nicely, do your hair and wear good perfume every single day even though he’s on the other side of the world?
If the answer to that question is no, then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. You never improve yourself to try and win someone back. You improve yourself for you. For your confidence. For your self worth and respect. This man is breaking your family apart, who cares if he notices? And as Job said, he’ll see right through it if you’re only doing it to win him back.
R2C is the attraction guru at this site, he can probably provide more help here.
2. It’s good you recognised the relationship talk and hug were both big mistakes. This shows you’re growing, and there isn’t a person here who didn’t slip up and make a few mistakes early on.
The best way to think of long relationship talks and hugs is like this: Imagine your least favourite work colleague. Someone who always gets in your way and you always try to avoid. Imagine you see them in the park on the weekend and they run over to you and give you a big hug, and then wants to have a long conversation about why you should be best friends..
Would that long, one-way hug and awkward conversation be likely to make you want to spend more time with your colleague, or make you feel like you dislike them even more?
Your husband is choosing other women over you at the moment, and every time you hug him or try to shoehorn a relationship discussion, you become a barrier between him and what he wants (other women and a different life).
The affirmation you desperately seek pushes him further and further away. You've already seen previously that sort of desperate behaviour is unlikely to repair your marriage long term.
3. Make yourself unavailable. If he’s out, you stay home. If he comes home, try and go out. You’ve told him again you want to work on it, so he feels safe to continue his affair - knowing that you’ll be there waiting if he comes back. It’s zero risk for him. He can happily cheat, and if he gets dumped by his AP or something goes wrong, he knows he can just slide back into your bed with a click of the fingers.
Don’t push him out the door - but don’t let him think he can have his cake and eat it too. He needs to feel like he is potentially going to lose something.
