Had a disappointing (but acceptable and not depressing) xmas; I think I needed to see how much things had deteriorated. And it was nice to have the whole family together for a holiday, even if it was bittersweet after the last two holidays were separate. I need to spend some time reflecting on xmas vs thanksgiving and figure out some takeaways. I feel like some reflection will be helpful. I found myself losing interest in W the last couple days. Potentially more to come on this front but I’ve had stretches like this before and emotionally yo-yo’d back so I want to give it a few days.
After the lunch interaction Friday I found myself significantly impacted for about 6 hours but within 24 I was pretty much back to where I was before emotionally. So I definitely have more work to do on becoming an ‘unaffected man.’ She still pulls strings as evidenced by this exchange and I notice they still have an effect but a lot less and shorter lasting than in the past. This is an area I really don’t want to backslide on so really focusing on it.
Thanks Boat for the feedback on never too much space. Each day since that exchange she’s made a comment along these lines—too much space. She was gone all day Saturday shopping so I was on kid duty. I was out Sunday shopping for extra/last gifts (mostly just wanted to be out of the house/GAL since she was home) and she called me a couple times to ask where I was and say she wished I wasn’t out buying her stuff and was home to help her. I deflected with a bit of (true) humor—said “don’t worry, only getting you a pair of socks; everything else is for the kids.” I had already told her most of the shopping was done, just grabbing last few items. And for clarity, I got her a couple other things because I feel like xmas is a time of acceptance and forgiving—a core personal value, not a flashy gift scenario.
Then on xmas day I was reading in the sunroom around 2p and she called from kitchen, “what are you doing? I’m in here all by myself (implying I should be in there).” I had done stuff all morning and was secure in relaxing for a bit. She didn’t used to be so petty about it. I bring these exchanges up just to make sure I’m not putting a sour note in a good song.
