I have merged your two threads together because your first thread had not reached 100 postings.
Now, on to your current posting. You have realized that you shouldn't have talked about the relationship. In the future, keep your conversations on the children, the home and the bills. Sure you can have small talk about the weather and how things are going with respect to whatever is going on around the house...but no relationship talks. The more you try to talk to him about the relationship, the more determined he is that it is over and the more he will cut the conversations short and leave the room.
No more running to him and giving him hugs. Think about this...would you be running up to a roommate and giving them a strong tight hug? You have to get into the mindset that he is a roommate right now and you have to treat him as such. In his mind right now the marriage is dead and he's moved on.
As you can see, he's one confused little bunny because his actions do not always mirror up with his words. He calls you "mom" because he is looking at you as an authority figure, i.e., maybe he sees some traits in your that remind him of his mother. They rebel against authority figures.
Because he is in the throes of cheating, he has to put that distance between you and him. He really is caught between two situations and right now, he's comfortable living at home whereby you cook, clean, do the laundry, etc., i.e., just like a mother would do. He's comfortable. If you don't add any more pressure to the situation, i.e., expecting him to act like he use to as your husband, he may very well continue to live under the same roof. Now, here's the thing...don't open the door and shove him out. He has to make that decision all on his own so that he won't blame you for him walking out the door. In due time, his affair partner is going to put pressure on him to move out. You do not have a clue what he's telling her about the situation, so step back, allow him to get caught in his own trap. He has to face the consequences of his actions on his own. You can't save him from himself. However, you can save yourself from being dragged down into the rabbit hole.
Mia, I see so much of myself in you and your situation. Trust me, continue to be yourself. If you want to dress up, change your hairstyle, redecorate your home do it. Yes, he may question what you are doing, but do it for yourself. Whatever changes you make, you make them for YOU, not to get him back. He will be watching you and testing you to see if your changes are permanent or if you are playing games with him. They are very good at trying to trip us up. You owe it to yourself to take back the head space that you are giving him and he isn't even paying rent there. Do things for YOU! You do not own him any explanation as to why you are dressing up, etc.
This is a marathon, not a sprint...but you are doing to be fine. No more relationship talks, no more tight hugs and remember that this is a business deal gone south. He is a roommate now and you need to treat him as such.
Keep the focus on you and the children. Leave him in God's hands.
BTW, if you haven't done so already, you may want to visit the Midlife Crisis forum. You may find some very good information over there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
