Please someone Help !! Advice suggestions

[MiaRob]

Hey, you'll,
I am back, Merry Christmas.
sorry I didn't stop posting because I was frustrated or angry, I just took some days off to focus on children and work.

Reminders:
9-yr relationship, I called the cops based on fears of previous aggression, back and forth rocky since last year- (husband calling quits each month but coming back), no charges were pressed, husband called the quits this time hardline, took ring off and told his work, non-communicative (don't wanna discuss the relationship w/me), moved in a different room, 1 bio kid, two steps(mine), I apologized officially, begged - didn't work, tried convincing, now left alone.

Steps during the last year:
he left once- stayed away 2 days came beg after I pleaded (wrong i know)
IC for myself,
marriage counseling= unsuccessful
IC for him = dragged out unsuccessful


Working on self:
GAL,180, LRT, no Rtalk, and lighthouse are all currently in order
being short and warm to him, being mostly unavailable to him,
focused mostly on my children, work, and keeping it together for them
someone mentioned looking nice and smelling nice ( i never wear sweatpants and mum wear lol)

Updates:


1. We had to attend an event just 2 days before Christmas, and we attended it together, he put a disclaimer out there that we were doing it only as parents and nothing else. I didn't respond. went there, had fun, but individually, he didnt want to stay on the same table at all, came home, went to bed. The next morning he comes into my room (originally our room), sits beside, asks me about last night, tells me I looked very beautiful last night and very conveniently mentions "Not that i have any thing to do with intimately" - very confusing remark. i say thanks and he again walks away and offers coffee.

2. NEXT DAY - he mentions why I have curled my hair and put a bow? as if I am going somewhere, i say no. he says ok, just looking all dolled up for a home? (like I always do but u never care to look? ugh) i said, sure. and he didn't say a word. Later he wanted kids and us to come with him to see xmas decorations around the neighborhood and hot chocolate. we joined, and he again whispered to me, Should be good co-parents for kids at least! Pissed me right off. but I didn't show a reaction.

3. Next day - We sat around our tree and wrapped xmas presents for kids, together. we talked and laughed lighthearted general. had some drinks. after a while, he abruptly stands up and walks away saying good night.

4. I find out he has been cheating- since the event night for sure, maybe before that but i cant be sure( texting other girls, exchanging pictures and voices) and talking to them. and very intimately. I am not sure if physical encounters have occurred. broke me in pieces and I was downright in the dumps after finding it. especially because i read texts and it is the same how he used to talk to me. so happy with hearts and flowers, good mornings and 100s of texts back and forth, and last good nights to her. Like this guy can send beautiful texts to these women or a woman but not even check on me how am I dealing with the loss of pregnancy? - well wait why would he care probably thinks it's not even his ------

5. Picked myself up, dusted it off, and kept moving on. - work, kids, unavailable, warm, short.
(hate myself for being nice to him, he probably was warm to me in earlier days cuz maybe he was feeling guilty about cheating who knows )

6. I was feeling down and when he came home from work I ran to him and just gave him a hug( like i used to when things were dandy), a strong tight hug. he hugged me back but very much like a caring hug (not romantic), kind.

7. Next, He accidentally sends one of those intimate texts to someone I know, which she shared with me (he is unaware she did), I never confronted him. He probably panicked and quickly lied to me that he wanted me to have an amazing day and that text was meant to be for me. he lied. we know cuz he doesn't know I know from beforehand that he has been texting other woman these cute texts already and if he hadn't slipped up, no one would have thought to make my day amazing at all. (like it hadn't happened in a long time) he came home and overexplained himself - i used the Greyrock method because I didn't feel it was right to validate him OR confront him. i felt like he needed the validation that I bought into his lies so he could have the upper hand and control on this situation, which is unfair since the beginning, but this situation shook his control a bit.
{{{AS WE ALL KNOW that He HAS BEEN AT FAULTS TOO}}}

8. Xmas Eve- day, he comes into my room again, sits close and mentions
HIM: how sad it is that we are going through separation and divorce during the most warm and happy times. At least we are civil for kids ( eww? WTH?)
me: We don't have to.
Him: we do have to. no other options.
me: yeah, there are always options. we can work together.
him: we tried that -----
can't have the whole convo here but basically, we had RTalk where we both stated our positions - him not making it work and Me being open to making it work, apologizing for part i played etc. He didnt and he stated how its so much of insanity for him and we had difference of opinions in marriage etc
we didnt argue but
the bottom line given to him was = i beleive in our marriage it will work
his was = move forward, this ship has sailed

I feel like I made a mistake and I shouldn't have talked rtalk, since he probably only wanted to bring this topic up to know how I feel about "us" SO he can have the control back feel good that i am still on board etc. especially after his slipup mistake msg incident. and now he does, but whatever, I had good intentions and I genuinely thought maybe he will be wanting to have a good Christmas with kids and the whole family.
so my intentions were pure.

didn't work. he stood up and walked away, nicely this time, just saying "I am not there" and " I know you are a very good mom"
________________________________________________________________________
NOW, i m back to doing what I was doing.

YESTERDAY, Christmas Day:

He wakes up, brings coffee beside my bed (something he told me that he would always do even if we ever split up ), and has been, randomly doing this for 2 months post-BD) and sits in our bed, wakes me up the same way he used to post CONFLICTS, and all of sudden, abruptly stands up and walks out saying " good morning mom" lol

(he has started calling me mom when he wants to talk to me, these days - such co-parenting huh? lol, he knows i hate this word from his mouth )
i dont react. just plain respond to him if needed and stay short and yeah of course warm :\

Thanks for reading.
who ever suggested me to look nice and smell nice, (i think SteveLW?) what else is a man creature of? cuz this works i know.