I am so sorry you are here going through this. I dont have much advise as I am in a similar situation except mine was out of the house in an affair for a year but he doesn't drink. but the cops< yep I called them. and somewhat similar thing. he was telling me he was going to call the cops on me for not letting him in the house and when I seen him on the phone I called them to let them know why i wasn't. well turns out he was just calling his mom but by then they were already called. That knight he said he understood and by the next day and I am sure talking to his side chick he convinced himself I was trying to get him thrown in jail. we had that total runner chaser avoidant and anxious dynamic for years and one day he said he was leaving a day before our seven year anniversary and then I found out about the affair. Ny world crumbled i begged and pleaded. but as hard as it was to have him gone it is super hard now that he moved back in 3 months ago. he does what he wants and sleeps in the kids bedroom. total distant roommates.

I also have an older son that is a big issue. he was very hard on him and my son resents him for how he has treated me so they cant stand each other.

I also see where it is so frustrating when all you here is work on you. I is hard to just work on you when your are fighting for your family and your life is in total limbo. you dont know what the next day will hold. you cant work on things but cant really just move on either. I will say when you really look at their behaviors you will start to see it isn't about you. the anger and all the crazy. it still hurts me somedays but then I look and it is almost funny sometimes because what they do is so juvenile.

Ant the rewrighting history and the justifications they come up with!!! you might as well save your breath. they are so crazy and the have absolutely convinced them selves. and trying to defend yourself jus back fires and makes them think you are argumentative. it is crazy making. I have seen mine start to act like my 6 year old sone. pretending to be asleep when i have to tell him something for the kid and run out of the room and slam the door because I took the stinky trash out when the bag wasn't as full as normal. al I can say if they will throw a fit when you start to not react but it works. I dont know why but it does. but they will PUSH AND BAIT BIG TIME WHEN YOU START THIS!!! they like the reaction even though the say they dont. and when you dont give them that control over you it starts to shift. its hard, it [censored], but it is literally all we can do for now until they figure it out for themselves. But dont give them an excuse to blame it on your reactions and also dont let it kill you from the inside out trying to reason with them. Good luck. I hope we both make it out of this with our families in tact.