I'm just popping on to keep connected and hopefully provide a bit of hope for any newbies that it does get better.
Quick reminder of dates. H started affair with work colleague in Dec 22. I asked him to leave Feb 23 because he was cake eating (living at home but dating AP). It was so hard initially. I couldn't eat, sleep, concentrate. My anxious predictive thoughts were very powerful & I engaged in lots of desperate behaviours to try and entice him back. This forum guided me & highlighted the need to drop the rope, stop fighting, take an observer perspective.
We're now nearing the end of a strange year. It's been my worst year in many respects but funnily enough, also my best year. I've come out of my co dependency & worked hard on myself to increase my confidence. I performed in a local pantomime last week & loved it! I went on an extreme day trip flying to Christmas markets in Europe this week with my daughter & coping with all of it independently. I'm proud of me!
H remains in MLC craziness. I fear its a long journey & crisis misrepresents the longevity in many respects. Over the last year he has broken up & got back together with AP 10 times! Each time, he reconnects and expresses that he loves me & wants me back. This was everything to me at the beginning of the year but I find it tiring now & recognise I am worth more. In one of his episodes of trying to get back with his AP, he filed for divorce. I didn't want this at the time. I do now! I am calm, settled & very happy and content with my life. If you'd asked me could I envisage ending the year like this, I definitely couldn't have. It is completely counterintuitive to follow the advice on here but it works! It doesn't work if your expectation is to bring back your spouse. This might happen and it might not but when you let go if that battle and focus on you, life gets easier. I have no doubt my H would love to return to our family home but too much has passed for me.
Wishing everyone a very merry Christmas and a huge thank you to everyone on this forum in particular DnJ, Kind & Pattnee & Rock. You have all played a really important part of my learning what to do and what not to do & I feel great 😊
