We are all fixers and want to fix the relationships that we have had with our spouses/partners. We can't. They have to fix themselves as we did not break them. We all come here looking for that magic potion that will wake our spouses/partners up...but there isn't a potion to be had. It takes time, patience and distance from their problems for them for them to figure themselves out. The more we are in their faces, the longer it takes for them to come to the realization that we were not their problem, but something that happened to them long ago has surfaced and needs to be resolved within themselves.
We all come here, we get advice that we don't necessarily like, but at the end of the day, the advice comes from a place of love and understanding and knowing that we have walked many miles along the way and yes, we have walked in your shoes. Family and friends do not understand and until they have walked in your shoes and/or experienced what you are going through, they will not understand.
Please find a counselor that will work with you. Do not suggest couples therapy right now because he's not ready to truly open up, listen and do the hard work. You, on the other hand, are.
Trust the system here. Do what works and if something isn't working, try something else. However, I strongly urge you not to pursue him. Just leave him in God's hands for now. Give him all of the space and time he needs. If he comes around, be friendly, but no relationship talks. Do not ask him a lot of questions. Give him the floor...let him do the talking. Do not give him any advice. If you invite him over to see the kids, fine...but if he declines, so be it.
Keep the focus on you and your children. Right now, the children need you to be there for them. Listen to them and reassure them that you will always be there for them.
Mia, you are a strong woman. Listen to what the posters are saying. We all have made mistakes along the way and that is why we are offering up the lessons we have learned along the way. Again, trust the system. It will work. Now turn the wheel of your car over to God and allow him to do the driving on your path. Time and digging deeper for patience will help you along the way. Keep that focus on you!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
