Not Lost Anymore!Being the best version of ME!

[Pattnee5]

Thanks for touching base everyone 🙂you all truly saved me in 2023 and I don’t know where I would be without you all and DB.

Firstly Steve is absolutely right. MLC is certainly more a transformation. A transformation of two people really. The LbS and the WAS. I know, however , what version of myself I am transforming into and it’s a pretty darn good one. As for H, nobody knows if and when he will emerge out of this and what version he will become. It’s a bit of a shame he won’t be around in the sense that people mirror eachother and I certainly could be a good influence on him, but maybe a higher power really has other options for him to dig deep and really grow up. What I have learnt from all of this is 1) I am not to blame no matter how much he tried to blame me 2) he has some serious childhood/parental issues and expectation that I have no idea about. 3) time. It takes a tonne of time and I’m not invited

DnJ: so in as far as the anger the boomerang etc. it’s funny because since I dropped the rope I no longer pester or provoke him and just leave him be, the angry drunk outbursts have disappeared. It’s almost been replaced at times with slightly happy drunk moments or just no drinking at all. A lot of anger has disappeared. A lot of apology coffees etc. I never realised just how much I was indirectly poking him by just being even slightly focused on him. As for him ending the EA or friendship or whatever it was, I can just see him carrying a weight of guilt and shame. Who wouldn’t when they got sucked into an emotional connection with a married woman and then realises that “she’s a mess” and really let’s be honest he got manipulated and played to destroy his world. Regardless, his mess he has to clean up.

Sun, I’m so glad you’re doing well. I think what we can both conclude is we are people with a lot of self respect and self love. Our spouses are people that have none of either and very low self esteem issues. The cosmetic surgery alone tells you tonnes about her headspace. Her confidence would be shot to pieces. Plastic and fake bits eventually break and have a shelf life 😂

Kind, you truly gave me some hard words so I couldn’t be where I am without all the vets harsh lessons. You were right all along. All of you. There was an AP of some sort, and I am not to blame ( even what happened in the past many many years ago-H was shifting and projecting all his guilt on me) brutal.
I have thought about the dating/other men scene. It’s only human nature right? You miss intimacy and contact. I still love H unconditionally but have to and will let him go. He gets boxed up and shelved. As for me and dating? Honestly right now I am not in any of that frame of mind. I want to go and have fun with my life, with my kids, just regroup really. This year has emotionally drained me. Will I go on dates? Likely yes, eventually. I love R2C route. It’s honestly great way to build confidence, test out the new version of yourself. I’m an in no way shape or form ready for that now thought. I want to focus on me more( without H around) and focus on the kids. I want to have fun and love life without the dependency of a man at the moment. And I completely agree. I am not putting my life on hold for any man. I’m moving forward I am going to continue to live every day to the fullest. If H ever decides to get his head out of his own a$$ long enough to want to rejoin my party, well at least I’ll be in a great place and really can look at if that’s still what I want. There’s no limbo here and there’s no waiting for anyone.