Not Lost Anymore!Being the best version of ME!

[Sunflyer]

Hey Pattnee:

Thanks for the response in my thread. Figured I'd check out your update too.

Letting go is hard. I know how all you newbies feel. However if your spouses are in MlC that problem is bigger than you or I or anyone can fix. Since letting go I’ve really detached from H in the sense of not putting pressure on him smothering him saying stuff anything that triggers him. He just triggers himself now and gets mad at himself haha.

It surely is hard. But a time comes when we realize that what the spouse is doing goes far beyond any reasoned response to our own failings. They're in a maelstrom, and we have to get out of the way while they spin within it. As I've said before, I don't know if mine is in MLC, but even if not, she's a mess regardless.

I too, was like many, and believed there was no AP but I hate to say it there almost always is.

Yep. That was a hard 180 to make, but I had to realize that no one is above suspicion. Even--maybe especially--the ones that speak out loudest against APs (like my W).

He’s ramped up the drinking and the whingeing about his age again ( likely because the move is coming up and to Drown out his consience)

Well, no drinking here, but the whingeing about age... I've been hearing that for years! Parting her hair to show me the gray coming in and then running out to get it dyed (like I'm supposed to believe this is the end of the world). Complaints about her sagging breasts and flabby arms (taken care of with cosmetic surgery this year). Now she's got a new body, new men in her life, and at the same time, out the window goes the dependable H!

[By the way, this H is 59, doesn't mind his gray hair (which is still not complete), has dropped 18 pounds in the last six months, has skin that looks like it did in his 30s (clean living, avoiding lots of sun exposure). Yes, the aging signs are creeping in, but I don't need cosmetic surgery to make me feel good about myself. I am pretty "well preserved," I think!]

Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas
Will keep you updated on post move( I am prepared I will cry but not in front of him)

Enjoy the holidays, Pattnee. You are an endless inspiration to me.
That day will be tough, I'm sure, but if anyone is prepared to handle it, it is you.