I didn't realize this friend knew about what was going on until my W slipped and made a comment, to which this friend replied, "Ok, I have to say this. You're absolutely crazy if you think Maturin is going to put up with this cr@p! Do you know how many single women would want him? If you're gonna act like this just give him to the rest of us!"
On the one hand it was nice to hear that but on the other hand it put my W into defensive mode as the guilt washed over her. She spent the rest of the evening in an argumentative and bitter mood.
Good!
Let her feel the loss. Let her feel her guilt and shame and other feelings that are helpful to your cause.
Originally Posted by Maturin
I so badly want to break through the distance between us…
The best and usually fastest way is in the opposite direction. Stay the course. Implement boundaries on disrespectful behaviours. Focus on you. Become Maturin2.0.
W needs to grow up, hold herself accountable, and be responsible. That’s her path to walk. Seems fate might have given her a bit of a shove in that direction.
You stay clear. Keep the target off you.
Originally Posted by Maturin
I'm trying to better understand how this all impacts my W and how she feels about herself
Most do drop clues. They seek and want validation of their life choice. Yet, that is a a bit shallow and superficial. For deeper down they want to be caught, or called out on. And most don’t even know or realize their desire for such.
Folks pretty much know right from wrong. If W felt no wrong doing, she’d not feel any guilt, shame, confusion, etc. Regret and remorse come from behaving counter to one’s values. As long as one continues on a wayward or disingenuous path they will continue to suffer. Life, fate, the universe, does provide feedback; W is fighting against it. And fighting begets fighting. Her peace and happiness and contentment is not along her present path.
However, that’s her journey.
You, keep doing you.
Have a Merry Christmas my friend.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
