Have you set a date where you terminate the marriage of her behavior doesn’t change?
I haven't. Given that some thought I'd say June 1 which would be 10 months after Dday and give us the summer to prepare and minimize the disruption to the kids during the school year.
I am happy w the way I handled the rest of the weekend. W continues to bring up the impossibility of D when she is drinking, and claims I am overreacting to "one stupid mistake". I normally don't engage but Saturday night I did, telling her that the trust is broken and that is no small thing. I pointed out the acts of disrespect outside of the PA itself which she claims she was doing "to rile you up". (One thing I've learned in the last couple years is about women "testing" their men, but testing and disrespect are different and I won't allow her to reframe old episodes of disrespect that way.)
To be honest these conversations are making it difficult to determine the path forward: it's clear my W is completely reluctant to D but I am also unwilling to continue in the MR unless she demonstrates an understanding of how broken the trust is. It also doesn't help that we only have these talks when she is drunk.
Tuesday there is a dinner party with 4 couples we used to spend time with, and I told my wife I wouldn't attend. I know she is apprehensive about the way this will look and I overheard her asking a friend on the phone what to say. "Should I just tell everyone he has a work function?" etc. Also, Christmas Eve is coming up and as discussed here I will not be attending with her family at our house. It's very tempting at this point to backtrack and call a truce so I can be with my kids that evening but I know the 180 is about being consistent and congruent.
One of the things I did with my drop dead date was I put it into my signature. That way at the end of every one of my posts I was reminded that "I have picked 1/4/2019 as the drop-dead date. If she isn't fully committed back to the marriage by that date, I will go file for divorce." (That was 1 year after BD, but the first Monday everyone was back to work from the holidays.)
Maturin, June 1st isn't a date you say one time and forget. It is a date that you actually work towards. The beauty of it is that it gives you a date that you know you will move forward past limbo. Light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. Otherwise, it feels never ending (and in some situations it is never-ending!)
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
