Please someone Help !! Advice suggestions

[Pattnee5]

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation Mia. We have all been there, we have all wanted to speed up the process of reconciliation and by wanting that we make some pretty horrid mistakes. Like everyone keeps saying your H wants space. Give it to him. Give him completely to whatever higher power or god or whatever you believe in. Because you can’t make him come back. You don’t want to guilt him back, and honestly there is nothing that can fast track this. Let him go and live his reality of a life without you. No begging no crying and the biggest and hardest one of all is NO EXPECTATIONS. Expectations can destroy you. They will destroy you. You need to have zero expectations of him. In your actions, in your conversations. I think DnJ gave me a good lecture on expectations a while ago. We expect them to look at us, to tell us they still love us, to tell us they made a mistake, to smile at us, to touch us or hug us as they walk past. We expect too much from them. Then when they don’t meet those expectations it destroys us as LbS.

I had written this down ages ago and had it in my phones notes . I can’t remember who said it or where I read it but always good reminder

“Failed expectations pack a HUGE punch! One that will destroy your hopes, dreams, strength, and leave you truly angry and disgusted with your spouse, easily causing you to walk in the exact opposite of love.”

If you want a fast track to reconciliation the best key right now is to turn your focus on you and the kids ( and stop expecting him to notice. He’s not paying any attention to you right now so he won’t notice. Not yet. He’s too busy with the storm in his head) but give him time give him patience. And stay away from him if he’s drinking. Alcohol can really uncover some hidden buried anger. I learnt that with my spouse.