Please just let him go for a while. Trying to get him back on board does nothing but cause you heartache and it is evident that he is not a happy camper right now..................................................................................................... season.
thanks Job,
My current situation is:
As i mentioned earlier, i tried no contact/limited contact.
no Rtalks happens. His "we will separate and go towards divorce" was last Rtalk- from his side. my apology letter was our last Rtalk- from myside.
These days, only communication is, about kids and finance. and very short. and precise. I dont "know" this for a fact but my gut feeling is , no cheating on either side. (honestly if there was disloyalty, i would have been detached from him long ago)
(also -no counselling- thats in history, that failed in the beginning of this year when we were together but on/off "love u leave u" situation. Haven't mentioned since April 2023 and wont.)
yes, after the cops incident, he did changed rooms again ( I didn't do anything this time, i learned from mistakes, wish i Had seen this community before or read few things before but... it happened ) for the past 2 months , we live in separate bedrooms under same roof. share living space and kitchen. i have let him and am giving him space(dont have any options left any way).
Basically I am reacting to nothing. what he does, says or acts like. my reaction is null. ( it hurts inside that he behaves like i dont even exist.)
He is barely home, but when he is (and initiates contact) i receive and respond warmly. precise and positive. I dont chase him anymore. learned it all but the hard way. I have started GAL too. couldn't've done dark (cuz kids) but doing LRT too.
PS: I read(and re-read as needed) all the rules and books pretty much) during the time i had recently after our separation. time was gift and i used it to read all the wise books. thats how i have now learned my flaws, mistakes and parts i played. he isn't a saint either, i havent said "all" the things he has done to hurt me and our family in the past 9 years, however i really dont beleive in breaking a family unless chronic toxicity is there. and he seems to be the person who ups and walks away when things are difficult. so, I want to honor my vows, work on myself, get a chance to fix and rebuild what got broken and apply what i learned. no i dont want him back out of fear or guilt or anything. He was madly in love with me chased me and pursued me and i have felt the love very strongly.
there's got to be things i could do to jumpstart this process in hopes of reconciliation. Even if reconciliation takes time, and patience. But at least where some odds can be in my favor.
