Welcome to the boards. How old are you, H, and kids?
Thank u so much. H, 33 myself, 33 Three kids: 13,11(my previous marriage), 4 year old (his biological)
Originally Posted by DnJ
Mia, remove your road blocks. There are some difficult suggestion and viewpoints you need to hear. It is perfect normal to deny and be fearful of the reality of one’s situation. However, to truly go forward, to truly find peace and contentment, to truly find you, to truly give your marriage the best chance at restoration, you need to be open to hearing the advice. In the end, you know your situation best, and will apply whatever advice or suggestions resonates with you or you deem appropriate. Please, ensure you have the best information set before yourself so you can make the most informed decisions you can.
My current situation is:
As i mentioned earlier, i tried no contact/limited contact. cant remove roadblocks until he gives me opportunity for them, for example: if he doesn't give me time of his day, i cant show him how i have learned not to react or resolve conflict in healthy manner. i am doing best as i can though.
no Rtalks happens. His "we will separate and go towards divorce" was last Rtalk- from his side. my apology letter was our last Rtalk- from myside. These days, only communication is, about kids and finance. and very short. and precise.
(also -no counselling- thats in history, that failed in the beginning of this year when we were together but on/off "love u leave u" situation. Haven't mentioned since April 2023 and wont.)
yes, after the cops incident, he did changed rooms again ( I didn't do anything this time, i learned from mistakes, wish i Had seen this community before or read few things before but... it happened ) for the past 2 months , we live in separate bedrooms. share living space and kitchen. i have let him and am giving him space(dont have any options left any way).
Basically I am reacting to nothing. what he does, says or acts like. my reaction is null. ( it hurts inside that he behaves like i dont even exist.)
He is barely home, but when he is (and initiates contact) i receive and respond warmly. precise and positive.
I have started GAL too. couldn't've done dark (cuz kids) but doing LRT too.
PS: I read(and re-read as needed) all the rules and books pretty much) during the time i had recently after our separation. time was gift and i used it to read all the wise books. thats how i have now learned my flaws, mistakes and parts i played. he isn't a saint either, i havent said "all" the things he has done to hurt me and our family in the past 9 years, however i really dont beleive in breaking a family unless chronic toxicity is there. and he seems to be the person who ups and walks away when things are difficult. so, I want to honor my vows, work on myself, get a chance to fix and rebuild what got broken and apply what i learned.
there's got to be things i could do to jumpstart this process in hopes of reconciliation. Even if reconciliation takes time, and patience. But at least where some odds can be in my favor.
