Thanks for the update. Did the last 6 years get better over the years? Was the beginning of piecing more challenging and then things got better for whatever the reasons may be?
PB, thanks for the response.
Your questions are very deep and it will be hard to keep this short.
The last 6 years got easier in the sense that we moved from the cliff of divorce. However, piecing is not easy and requires hard work. I think the mistake most people make is to stop what got them to piecing. You never stop GAL, self-improving, or being healthily emotionally detached. DBing becomes your lifestyle, it isn't something you do temporarily just to avoid the divorce. People that do that end up getting another BD at some point.
As far as piecing being harder at the beginning. Well it's like anything. You get better as you practice it. So yeah it was more challenging to start out. There is the usual lack of trust to get over. For me it was trusting she was really committed back to the marriage. For her it was trusting that the new version of me was permanent. Any slip up in that area for either of us had to be discussed and worked on. Piecing doesn't work by trying to bury things
A couple words of caution. You aren't piecing into you're piecing. Early on when she was slowly working back to the marriage. If I started to think we were piecing before we were out was a major setback. Here is the thing, if the WAS isn't fully committed back to the marriage then you are not piecing. I think a lot of LBSs jump at the first sign the WAS might be changing their mind. You cannot piece until the WAS is fully and completely recommited to the marriage.
Second, no two situations are the same. There is "your mileage may vary" disclaimer is completely necessary in these kinds of responses. No two LBSs are the same. No two WASs are the same. No two situations are they same. While they tend to follow similar patterns, the idiosyncrasies of each person and marriage make them unique. My experience and what worked for me may not apply to you and your situation. My situation turned around fairly quickly. I also give head first into trying to DB 100%. I made mistakes and had setbacks. But my heart was fully committed to DB to fix me, not my marriage. In my case the marriage also got fixed. Those that do the best, whether they end up divorced or not, are the ones that focus on themselves. Not their WAS. Not their marriage.
PB, I asked a question in your thread before this response. If love for you to really consider your answer before you respond.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
