It's been 6 months since my last update. Things have not looked up since. She gets mad at me frequently for the most trivial things and in bizarre ways. For example, I am driving, and she asks me to take a turn, and it turns out it's incorrect, so I tell her that was the wrong turn. She goes ballistic and accuses me of calling her a liar, "You know you are being extremely disrespectful." She regularly threatens me that she will note down whenever "I make her mad" and then revisit it later, which will undoubtedly lead to divorce. She still refuses to see a different IC.
During these crazy episodes, I stay calm, and it often leads to me leaving the space (enforcing boundaries) or asking her to leave the room (in case I am doing something I don't want to abandon). I have informed her that her threats have no effect on me and that her reactions are not only entirely under her control but are making her far more miserable than they are making me. I keep in mind that I am not her therapist, and so I try to curb my outflow of advice. She wants me to do things for her - buy her expensive gifts (she regularly tells me that I was always much cheaper than all her friends' husbands), be physically affectionate to her frequently throughout the day, do much more around the house, etc. I know that nothing will fix her deep-seated unresolved issues, and I have also told her that I don't have the power or ability to solve her problems. I reminded her that our MR had bottomed and there was no shortcut to a wholesome, loving MR, but she seems to be very resentful that she does not have that now and that I am not really "stepping up."
She regularly belittles me, and I recognize it but do not react. She always attempts to come back by cooking something or saying something nice but then repeats her off-the-rails behavior within days. I have found myself withdrawing and losing hope, but I do not show that outside.
