The weekend is here, which means W went out and got drunk at a girlfriend's dinner party last night. As has been the trend lately she came home much earlier than she used to, and again woke me up to tell me we aren't getting D, that she is sorry for her "one mistake", etc. She also asks more and more if I have a "girlfriend" during these drunk conversations; I assume this is because she sees my optimistic and lighthearted behavior after weeks/months of being down in the dumps and is trying to explain the change. For my part I validated her ("I know this is difficult, I hear you about that" etc) but mostly just said "I would be happy to talk to you about this over coffee tomorrow", which of course doesn't happen. Per DB guidelines I am not bringing up the MR and waiting for her to do it while sober. As a guy who wants to take the lead this is difficult but I am going to trust the process, focus on my 180s and be patient.
Speaking of 180s, I do feel very good about the streak I'm on! The biggest difference in my behavior is that I don't act butt hurt or mopey the next day about how drunk she was, I just do my own thing. In previous years I would get very down in the dumps on weekends when she was going out: give her the silent treatment, bring up our lack of a SL, and just be a wet blanket in general. It has taken YEARS for me to fully understand how unattractive this is from the female perspective but I'm finally there thanks in large part to the boards. Sandi's discussions on here about being "confident and breezy" (paraphrasing) is often on my mind. And of course this is all for me, not for the sake of fooling her into seeing the value of staying in the MR. The more I internalize these behaviors the more my W feels like an anchor on the life I could otherwise have: she isn't trustworthy, very selfish, and is not any kind of real partner. As much as my 180 has been a change, she has very deep seated behaviors that would require massive work to turn around if she wants to stay married and my expectations remain at zero.
