Just wanted to make sure you understand this time of the year is probably the worst time to check out on the site for a week. I was very surprised to see this on page 2. I don’t have anything to add but there are still people here trying to point you in the right direction and your past has shown when you aren’t here for a few days to a week you’re feeding your addiction and setting yourself back further.
How’s work? How the preparation for the holidays? Are you going to be alone etc etc. there should be a lot coming up people here can help you with.
Last edited by JosephS; 12/18/2310:42 PM.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
Thank you Joseph that means a lot to me. I have been wanting to post for support. I have been really focused on work - it’s going well and i have increased my hours - managing but i am finding everything altogether stressful and a lot to deal with.
Holiday prep is going well all things considered and i have kept it very simple and thrifty. I have a nativity and some lights up so far and my kids and i are going to cut down a tree. I’ve got lots of good food and will be with friends and family.
I have emphasized to my kids that they are my priority this season above my extended family (though we are also getting together with my family).
Glad to read your Christmas festivities are coming together. Really good to see you and the kids all involved.
I have a suggestion I want you to really consider. Be accurate in thought and heart. Speak and act with purpose and clarity.
Also significantly banish your use of the word “but”.
As an example:
Originally Posted by Rockon
I have been really focused on work - it’s going well and i have increased my hours - managing but i am finding everything altogether stressful and a lot to deal with.
Really? Everything? Everything is stressful?
Be specific with yourself. And us, within the confines of workplace confidentiality and such.
Remember, your mind is listening. When you say everything is stressful, it will be.
I’m not saying there is no stress. No, far from it. Life is stress. Let me give you an example from my recent life.
Sunday I felt quite stressed. Everything was starting to feel stressful. That was what my mind was doing. Didn’t help that I was also getting sick. Anyhow, I thought about it, and realized that the huge pile of dishes from the concert/sing-a-long that I had left stack up on the counter was the source of that stress. Every time I walked by that pile. To get a drink. Go to the bathroom. Whatever. There it was. And I painted that stress upon other facets of my life.
Of course, if I had just did the dishes before… well whatever woulda shoulda coulda. So, I did ‘em. And felt way better.
That’s a time to aim small. Be specific about what is bother you, and you can take specific action. “Everything” is just way too overwhelming.
The word “but” empathizes and reinforces our concatenation and usually implied severity (although at times unintentional) of dissimilar things. How about:
I have been really focused on work. It’s going well and I have increased my hours. There is lots to deal with, some stress, and surprisingly I’m managing quite well.
Rock, I care about you, and I’m not dismissing nor belittling your stresses. I am simply illustrating how one paints their life, and writes their story; even through the smallest of actions and words.
Just something for you to consider.
Merry Christmas Rock. All my best to you and your’s. And I hope you have a peaceful time.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
thank you DnJ. So true and very helpful. Truly, and surprisingly to some of my friends, I am indeed managing quite well.
I have a mental note now to challenge my speech, inner voice and writing thusly: Does the word “but” fit in this sentence? Will that serve my goals and needs or as DnJ will point out can I rephrase and reframe my language to better suit where I want to be headed?
You know, I think it’s the expectations I feel or interpret or assume from kids/others/myself plus some fears that compound to me feeling stressed. I am grieving losses and navigating life without a partner. I have some pressing financial stressors and I am meeting them face on. I have been working closely with a financial advisor and have good plans in place. Will continue to draw on my circle of support and community to get through. I am working, paying my bills and doing well. Work in and of itself is a healthy stressor in my life, some people would call that “eustress” not “distress”.
I am increasing my hours again this week and will do so again in the new year.
Last edited by DnJ; 12/20/2302:09 AM. Reason: Corrected typo.
And very nice response. Do purposefully effort towards that. Purposefully. It will take about two months to quash the old and then form a new habit. After that, maintain and build upon that foundation.
Another awesome word: Equanimity.
Strive for it. I believe it’s well within your capabilities.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Thank you Joseph that means a lot to me. I have been wanting to post for support. I have been really focused on work - it’s going well and i have increased my hours - managing but i am finding everything altogether stressful and a lot to deal with.
Holiday prep is going well all things considered and i have kept it very simple and thrifty. I have a nativity and some lights up so far and my kids and i are going to cut down a tree. I’ve got lots of good food and will be with friends and family.
I have emphasized to my kids that they are my priority this season above my extended family (though we are also getting together with my family).
Awesome Rock! Merry Christmas!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I have been very focused and staying on track having an awesome (with a full range of emotions) holiday season with kids and friends. Working, being festive, exercising, and saying no to a whole lot of anything else.
If you may recall, W had invited herself over here Christmas morning. Following through on my emphasis to my kids that they are my priority, I really listened to what they want. They all want to be together with me. The youngest 2 also want to spend some time with their mom. So they will.
Youngest D explained to her mom that she wanted to have time with just us. After that, W texted me saying she felt unwelcome and uninvited. She went on to say, “I have told my mom, the explanation for why you are never with me or my family and you are always leaving instead of being with me must be that you have a girlfriend and your GF doesn’t want you to spend any time with me.”
I have made home tasteful and inviting for myself family and other guests. I am feeling loved.
Steve, I have been thinking about a cut off date in the near future.
