One positive that has come out of this process for me is that I am more in tune with and aware of the idea of a higher power, a general plan, things happening for a reason, etc. I've noticed that on very bad days, the universe seems to send me a signal that I'm on the right path. I got one such signal yesterday.
I had a rough morning. Difficulty focusing on work, doubting if the approach I am taking to the MR is the right one, flooding thoughts about W's PA, worry for my kids, a realization that W and I haven't been close for years - it was a bummer day. Over the weekend I had ordered the book The Art of Resilience by Ross Edgely and it arrived in the mail yesterday afternoon. I opened the package and flipped the book to a random page. On that page? The story of Admiral James Stockdale and the Stockdale Paradox, which I first read about on these boards. It was like the universe slapped me on the side of the head and said, "Maturin, keep your focus and don't get distracted by your emotions. Keep taking action and you will prevail."
I don't know how this ends for me and I likely won't know for some time. But no matter how difficult it gets I have faith that I will prevail, and I will be ok.
Now a question for you folks. W has decided to host some of her family at our home on Christmas Eve; my family will be elsewhere. My gut is telling me that I do not attend the event at our home - after all, I am detaching. W has not come to the table about anything regarding the PA, continues to get drunk and be disrespectful, etc. How do I tell her that I am not attending Christmas Eve without sounding spiteful or vengeful? I know her reaction will be "You're just doing this to punish me" and/or "You're being a baby about this." I am of the mind to say "Hey, for Christmas Eve I'll take the kids to my parents for a while and then drop them here for dinner. I'll be home later in the evening." and leave it at that.
