Thanks all for the advice. I told her "I can't make it, but you go and have a great time" and that was the end of it. She was a bit sulky and short all evening but I was upbeat and had a great time with the kids.
I have a question about my general approach. As a refresher: my W has behaved in a wayward way for 3 years and finally confessed to a brief 3 year old affair in Sept; I asked for a D; we didn't speak much for weeks; she continues to go out but doesn't stay out as late; Friday she came home drunk and said mean things to me about me not being attractive, how she doesn't care if I sleep with other people, etc. She's done this before many times. She never wants to talk about the R when sober and I don't bring it up, focusing instead on my 180s and GAL. When we're together I am upbeat and engage, but briefly. We don't go out together because I am giving her space/dropping the rope/opening the cage door. But she does invite me out, as she did for the dinner discussed above.
The divorce that I am hoping to bust is the one I asked for, and while I want to remain a cohesive family unit I am unwilling to keep living the way we have for the past three years. The DB process advocates patience. How long do I wait to see what impact my changes will have?
My changes are primarily emotional. I have been far too codependent and put my MR too much at the center of my life. When I first caught wind of things going south 2 years ago it was panic-inducing but I have since built my own life away from the MR. I no longer allow her snipes and needling to bother me, and I walk away when she is drunk and mean. The relationship is clearly unhealthy and my rational brain knows it cannot continue, but the fear of loss is still there.
