In the meantime enjoying a good weekend during the holidays. To your point DnJ, I have been making my bed every day. Planning prepping cooking and enjoying good meals. Going shopping regularly and often with S for groceries for those meals. Quality grocery stores are a good environment for pleasant conversation with positive folks.
Did some work on the house first thing this morning with a friend. Then went out into the woods with S. Relaxing afternoon and dancing tonight.
Yes mach1 time for oxygen. Im reflecting and determining to not neglect myself or my needs. I will look for time this weekend to form more of a response to your thoughtful questions.
Ok guilty haha Mach1. Your questions have crossed my mind but I chose to focus experientially rather than on ideas and concepts this weekend.
Yep.....called that one too...
Originally Posted by Me
How do you think that your "people pleasing" tendencies run your life ???
Because I feel like you really haven't found yourself, and you have merely spent the last year deflecting internal work by GAL activities, and the rest of your time, focusing your pleasing skills on somebody other than your STBX....
And you have failed yourself in the process....
All of those answers above, have very little to do with just you...
They are all ways to please everyone around, with very little focus on YOU becoming whole again...
The problem with "but" , is that it allows you to be the exception to the rule...
Essentially, an excuse.
And after time, the excuses become another excuse for you to become the victim....
It's also one of the reasons that our words don't seem to match your actions....
You SAY that you want to DB....
Yet your ACTIONS say that you wanna half a$$ this.
I don’t want to half a$$ anything but I’m scared of failing. And not being there for my kids and not meeting milestones in my return to work.
What do you consider failing? Not getting your spouse back?
If you don't get her back, but end up as a better person with a better life (yes, that is possible without her), that is not a failure. That is a success.
Me 59 W 47 T 26 M 23 S18, S14 BD May 2023 D filed June 2023 OM1 confirmed: December 2023 OM2 confirmed: October 2023
Ok I am making it day by day still. Focused on work which has been going well.
I don’t want to half a$$ anything but I’m scared of failing. And not being there for my kids and not meeting milestones in my return to work.
Rock, the key here is to do your best. Do your best to be there for your kids. Do your best to meet your milestones at work. No one can fault you for doing your best! Wake up every day and sets goals for what you want to accomplish for that day. Then go work towards those!
Last edited by SteveLW; 12/13/2301:46 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Ok I am making it day by day still. Focused on work which has been going well.
I can picture you now Rock...
Sitting in the guidance counselors office.
Her asking you what you wanna do when you grow up.
You, responding with.....
I just wanna make it day by day....
Originally Posted by Rockon
I don’t want to half a$$ anything but I’m scared of failing. And not being there for my kids and not meeting milestones in my return to work.
I was gonna get all snarky with my response to you about half a$$ing this....
Then I saw the "but" in your sentence, and that allows you to be the exception...
So it would be extremely rude of me to say things like...
You are only cheating yourself by hiding away in your nice little safe corner, snuggled up in your fleece blanket, perhaps sipping a hot cup of Cocoa, while reading the comics in the newspaper.
You could sit by the window and await your STBX, when the horse drawn carriage pulls up and she comes running up the driveway, professing her sorrow, and her love for you, while men in tuxedos play the violin as you triumphantly reunite. You carry her in the house and make love on a bed of rose pedals......Then you live happily mundane forever while embracing the old patterns that you haven't changed, while she continues to ignore them and pretend that she is happy....
And perhaps if I said that by hiding, you are only hurting your own personal growth, which would allow you to face those fears, and be able to thrive instead of merely surviving each day.
And that by keeping yourself in your little cozy corner, that YOU are the reason that you feel that life is in limbo, or day by day as you put it...
And that I haven't met a person yet, that came here, DBed, did the work, and regretted it afterward....
Cause I would say that....
BUT
It would be extremely wrong of me to do so..
Since you are the exception, fine sir....
So I bid you an extremely wonderful merely satisfactory and mundane day !!!
You’re getting through Mach1. My fears need to be faced. I have faced many over my years and now yes it’s time to unstick.
I am navigating personal and family grief this holidays and I am tempted and to hide away and at the same time I am going through the discomfort to achieve what I want and what is important.
Work is going well. On my work days, I am taking care of myself, looking after my place and my son, getting out for exercise and saying no to most else. It requires (success with my work) focus, wellness and fitness.
I am strengthening my financial landscape whatever happens (D or not). I am working with a good financial advisor and have put together a good retirement strategy. It’s getting to that stage that causes me anxiety to be honest. Present finances are stressful. With steady gradual return to my work the financial stress will lessen and things will be tight but manageable (think economical GAL on top of fixed expenses). I am being thrifty this Christmas and prioritizing my budget.
I am working on a plan to keep the house/prepare to buy house out if I can. I will be ok regardless. It’s most important to me that I keep making courageous and consistent progress.
My fears about the finances are mostly about my desire to leave a legacy for my kids, to be healthy in every aspect and to have good relationships moving forward from a place of strength. I want to keep growing in my relationship with my grandkid(s).
I have a L and that part is in play. Waiting still on summary of legal guidance for various scenarios. I don’t really have anything new to ask of L right now but I expect that to change soon.
