Bitter Pill

[Bunches]

So another returning member. Hello again. BD about a year ago. W43 stated last year not in love anymore and may never have been. Said I was a great guy that most woman would love to have but she just could not be happy with me anymore. Cannot stand that I put her first in everything.
W diagnosed with BPD and apparently seeks out chaos in her life whenever things are too stable. Tried counseling and she couldn't be honest with counselor about her problems. W has been hooked on pain killers for the last 2 years off and on. Tried confronting her multiple times but she just got better at hiding it.

Married 6 years. We have six kids, all boys (5 hers and 1 mine) ages 20, 18, 17, 15, 12, and 10. A few months ago W started a PA after having a hard time with extreme anxiety. Said she couldn't get over the stress of trying to be a wife to someone she didn't feel passionate about anymore and stopped coming home on days the kids weren't here. Finally I drew back and started DB, focusing on self and trying to worry about me and kids. Shes mostly ignored me but would start long conversations via text now and then about how she knows she's messed up and how she should fix things instead of continuing to hurt everyone in the family but just can't seem to face it. Told her best friends she knew she needed to come home but the anxiety caused her to retreat more into meds to feel better.

Got a call two weeks ago today from ER that W had taken too many pain meds again. Left work and rushed over thinking of how I was going to have to lay down the law and draw a line to get her help. Can't make a difference now. W overdosed on Oxy and she died the weekend after Thanksgiving. She passed at OM's home. OM tells me how she talked about me all the time as too good, which I had to hear about from him while picking up her things and her car that was still there. Now I'm just trapped with the grief of the affair and the loss.

We tend to say that focusing on yourself is about your mental health, not theirs. You can't fix the other person or change their perspective. The only thing you can control is you. Be healthier and be more comfortable with who you are. I know the process is still the same. But its a bitter pill to swallow now and no possibility of a better outcome down the road.