2nd Time Around

[Ready2Change]

Today W asked if I was going to participate in Christmas Eve at our house with her family which has been a tradition. I said I need more time to think about it. W seemed flustered and said her family would always be welcoming. She asked where else I would go. I said I could go to one of my parents and come back that evening or the next morning. W said that seems inconvenient to which I said, I'd not find it inconvenient. I noted that W didn't plan to come to Thanksgiving at my father's (also a very welcoming place) and, though she ended up sick, she'd told D13 she was not coming. Not that we're playing tit for tat but it seemed like it might make sense for me to similarly detach from these traditions. W also indicated she was sad because she didn't expect her life to be this way at this point. I acknowledged it was tough and, as her choice, within her control (to make life what she'd like it to be). Today is also our anniversary and I've just gone about my business as usual. I'm fired so there is nothing to celebrate, right? Thanks for reading. It is helpful to journal a bit.

I see others have responded to this, but I did not read the responses. I will give my 2 cents:

Today W asked if I was going to participate in Christmas Eve at our house with her family which has been a tradition. I said I need more time to think about it.

I believe this is an acceptable response. "I am not sure." would be better. Or "I have other plans".

W seemed flustered and said her family would always be welcoming. She asked where else I would go. I said I could go to one of my parents and come back that evening or the next morning.

I would not have answered her question, rather relate to her emotional state " You seem flustered".

W said that seems inconvenient to which I said, I'd not find it inconvenient. I noted that W didn't plan to come to Thanksgiving at my father's (also a very welcoming place) and, though she ended up sick, she'd told D13 she was not coming

Do not engage in these type of discussions. Why on earth would you want to argue with her? Stay out of her "Frame" and stay in yours. If you must, them "Mmm" might be a response.

W also indicated she was sad because she didn't expect her life to be this way at this point. I acknowledged it was tough

Perfect.

and, as her choice, within her control (to make life what she'd like it to be).

And then you blow it. Drop these type of statements. She does not need (or want) your 2cents. I still F this up on occasion with my lady, but I catch myself. Believe me, it is worth learning this.

Thanks for reading. It is helpful to journal a bit.

Thanks for sharing. I know this is tough. Just know it does get better.