Closing on our house is 12/14. I put in an offer on a house last night. Praying it's accepted. Probably a little over my ideal price range, and probably a little bigger than I need, but I think son will really like it (lots of room, nice yard, above ground pool, etc). It's also in a nice neighborhood, right down the street from my parents (don't know if that's good or bad. lol)
Found out W is renting an apartment, so at least son will have one house and yard.
As I said, I think the stress, and finality of the situation is really starting to hit. I've had a knot in my stomach for days. W and I haven't spoken about anything other than the house or son in weeks. Honestly I expected her to show some signs of 'breaking' the past few weeks. She's always been terrible at handling stress, making decisions, etc. Maybe she has in private, or with friends. Who knows, who cares.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
It sounds like you have a great place for you and your son. In my experience, housing changes always bring that mix of anxiety and excitement. I hope you both enjoy the chance to make the new house a true home for yourselves. Having some closure on your housing choice should bring you some much-deserved relief. Congrats!
Since your son has to spend time with her, it's reasonable to monitor her housing situation though it is out of your control. If it impacts your son's quality of life or well-being (safety issues, difficulty studying, unhealthy conditions, etc.), you'd have to tread carefully in raising any issues about it and an IC can be helpful in rehearsing your approach. Hopefully, it won't become an issue.
Concern about the well-being of the mother to your child is an interesting wrinkle in terms of detaching from the care you have/had as a husband. Our fates are tied to these moms for as long as our kids are around!
Well after 2 hours of anxiety (apparently another offer), my offer was accepted! I had to come up a few grand (probably a shady realtor), but barring any setbacks it's mine.
What a huge relief. If this fell through, I can't imagine too many houses going on the market in the winter, which means I'd have to live with my parents for the next 4-5 months. Ugh.
Can't wait to show son. I think he'll be pretty excited, even though he's still devastated about moving out of our current neighborhood
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
even though he's still devastated about moving out of our current neighborhood
Practice emotional validation with son. Most people don't know how to do this. Do not point out the positives. Just relate to how he FEELS devastated moving out of neighborhood. (Or whatever emotion he is showing).
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
even though he's still devastated about moving out of our current neighborhood
Practice emotional validation with son. Most people don't know how to do this. Do not point out the positives. Just relate to how he FEELS devastated moving out of neighborhood. (Or whatever emotion he is showing).
Thanks. That's good advice regarding son. I think he'll be ok.
But damn, my heart goes out to anyone buying a house. I was planning to have a nice little nest egg after selling our house. Between down payment, closing costs, etc, that nest egg will be about $50. Oh well, I guess they call it 'rebuilding' for a reason. How much are kidneys going for nowadays? lol
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Hi all. Just wanted to give a quick update on things.
The closing on our house is in a few weeks. The closing on the house I bought is also in that week. It's certainly been stressful, but I'm actually getting excited about it. Sure, it [censored] moving a few weeks before xmas, but whatever.
Money situation has improved a bit. I just got a signficant raise at work, which is going to make paycheck to paycheck living much easier.
Thanksgiving wasn't too bad, but I"m not looking forward to xmas and new years whatsoever.
Despite still living together, W and I are basically no contact unless it involves our son or the house. When I received the settlement agreement from her L, my L sent it back asking for an additional few grand from the sale of our house. W hasn't mentioned it, but I can tell she's furious.
Also heard through the grapevine that W has been crying a lot, reaching out to friends about how stressed and depressed she is, etc. She's renting a townhouse, but can't move in till mid January, which means she has to stay with her parents for a month. I don't think she'd be dumb enough to ask if she could move into my new place for that month, but I wouldn't put it past her.
So anyway, things have been pretty good. Just waiting on appraisals for both houses. Still hard to believe that 2 weeks from now, for the first time in 18 years, I'll be alone.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
"Still hard to believe that 2 weeks from now, for the first time in 18 years, I'll get tobe alone."
Turn your "have to's" into "get to's". Life is so much better.
A while back I had to look for a new job. When I reframed it into "I get to look for a new job" it transformed my whole mindset. Ended up in a few weeks finding another job that paid more!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
"Still hard to believe that 2 weeks from now, for the first time in 18 years, I'll get tobe alone."
Turn your "have to's" into "get to's". Life is so much better.
A while back I had to look for a new job. When I reframed it into "I get to look for a new job" it transformed my whole mindset. Ended up in a few weeks finding another job that paid more!
Thanks. Yeah, that simple saying is easier said than done. lol.
Both closing dates are in 7 days. Still crazy to think about.
W has to live w/ her parents for the next month until her apartment opens up. Our son isn't happy about that, as the house is small and a cross between a nursing home and a prison. W told me if he hates it she would be ok with him staying with me for the month. No kidding.
I'm not sure how to feel about that? Of course I'd love having my son 100% of the time. But I also feel like it's giving her a month vacation with no responsibilities (taking son to school, practices, etc), so she can likely go out and party for 8 hours every night (like last night)
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
