When the A came to light and your W's crap partying behavior continued, how did you communicate that you were not ok with either of these and that she was still crossing your boundaries? How did/do you act to enforce that it does not work for you to be in a relationship with a WAW doing these things?
In the past, say month, how many times has she kept crossing your boundaries vis-a-vis the partying behavior or other core violations of your marital boundaries? Not acting like the wife you need her to be? What are the natural consequences or outcomes of her doing so?
I asked you what you needed her to do in order for you to begin to regain trust in her. You shared that you would need to see earnest change on her part.' and also that she [recognize how harmful her behavior has been and have complete remorse over the A]. How did you tell her this? Is she doing these things daily?
Do you have a boundary of something like, 'i will not be in a relationship with someone who does not respect my boundaries or acts to keep or regain my trust'? (If not, why not?) What is she doing right now to try to regain your trust in these ways? What natural consequences does she experience when she daily does not act the way you need her to in order to begin to regain your trust?
Some of DB is also boundary enforcement. An LBS without boundaries can keep losing respect. Because otherwise the WAW learns that you do not value yourself and are weak and afraid. Unattractive. She can choose to act differently every day.
She is cake eating if she expects you to be around slicing up prime rib on Xmas Eve with her family and without your family while she continues her wayward behaviors that led to this estrangement. Don't butcher yourself and your boundaries.
W, as much as I would have loved to spend the holidays with you and your family, I can't go there. Because I wouldn't be being honest with myself when you keep not doing the things I need you to do to begin to regain my trust. I have other plans to spend time with my family on Christmas Eve, and I am looking forward to spending time with the kids these holidays. Let's come up with a schedule around that.
Last edited by bustorama; 12/07/2304:38 PM.
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
