2nd Time Around

[Boat14]

At face value, option 2 is more appealing. There are no guarantees in either scenario.

I was just trying to show you that successful DBing doesn't necessarily mean you get your spouse back. In fact, 95% of the time it doesn't. Most of the time it gets you option 2.

What I ultimately found is that W pretty effectively masked her 1) social anxiety and 2) unresolved traumas involving a childhood issue as well as a relationship immediately before ours. I should add that this isn't me mind reading or making assumptions. Years ago, these things surfaced during some MC we did, and as I've shared what is happening with my IC. Hindsight is 20/20 so I can look back and say that what seemed like minor red flags at the time now were the tips of larger icebergs, floating below the surface. Even close friends and family acknowledge not having foreseen issues.

This is what MWD means by cheeseless tunnel.

I share these details to illustrate why, to me, option 2 isn't a clear winner. I've not had issues attracting/meeting women. As our MC told W and me in 2019 "Most women that come into my office would love to have a partner like (INSERT MY NAME)".

What do you think most women in her office see in you that your W doesn't?

More people seem to have ongoing mental health issues or residual trauma these days.

This sounds a liylle fatalistic to me.

And, as MWD suggests, I know what I'm up against with W, we're tethered to one another for life thanks to D13, and I agree with MWD that (absent domestic violence, drugs, etc.) marriage is worth fighting for, even if I can only work on me (which pays off either way).

What does fighting for your marriage look like to you?

I can give this some additional time and, to SteveLW's point, see value in having a date by which this needs to be resolved if I'm not satisfied with where I'm at.

Absolutely having goals are key.

I've found a mix of pure DBing with a dash of alpha male work for me.

What dash of alpha you have implemented has worked for you?