Thanks MrP. I'm glad to hear your positive changes have been paying off, that's where I want to be in a few months as well. Keep it up!
I spent Thanksgiving with my W's extended family as we do each year, primarily because I wanted to be with my kids and my FOO was away. No plans were made for Christmas until this past weekend when my wife asked if she could host her family at our house on Christmas Eve. I responded that it was fine with me and I hadn't discussed plans with my family yet. For the last 5-8 years our two extended families have always celebrated Christmas Eve together but that is not the plan now (just another example of the wide-ranging collateral damage of an A).
Bear with me while I think through this. Much of the DB approach for a H in my position revolves around taking away the support, familiarity, and overall presence of a husband - he wakes up to the reality of his stich, finds his b@lls and reasserts himself. This benefits the H because he regains a sense of himself, his self confidence, and his identity outside of the MR. It benefits the W because she gets a taste of life w/o the H and can decide if she truly wants out of the MR as her actions have suggested she does. Mix in time, patience, and consistency and eventually there is a resolution: D or R.
Christmas is a special time and I want to be with my kids as much as possible. However I don't want to backslide and demonstrate to my wife that I am reliable plan B who will diligently BBQ prime rib and wash dishes while we entertain her family. It seems to be the obvious plan of action should be for me to spend Christmas eve w my family. My concern is that I articulate this to her in a way that does not seem sulky/butt hurt, but rather comes across as positive per the DB approach. But no matter how you slice it, there doesn't appear to be a way to say "I am not going to spend Christmas eve with you and your family" that doesn't sound vindictive.
Can anyone who has gone through something similar make suggestions as to how I approach this situation?
