DNJ - Good to hear from you. I hope you're well. I hear what you're saying regarding confidence. Perhaps I was rushing to describe it this morning. My observation is that W's confidence in her choice is wavering. Maybe it is the holidays. Maybe it is our anniversary passing. Maybe there will be a full moon tonight. My intent was just to note my observation, continue down my path, and as you say, make myself as little of a target as possible. That seems to be going well. If you've seen those workplace posters that say "0 days without an incident", that is the current mental image in my mind. I found 2-to 3 viable housing options, am attending a holiday party this Friday, and have plans to have dinner with my oldest friends in a week or two.
SteveLW - Super helpful. Thank you. This is my 2nd go-round with DBing. The first time started in 2018/2019, reconciling and piecing until a few months ago so it feels longer than just the last 3 months. I say MLC because W seems to check all those boxes over others. It is also helpful to me to try to understand what D13 and I are dealing with, even if a D goes forward. As you say, MLCs are marathons (without clear routes or mileage goals). I'm still trying to separate mind-reading and motivation assuming from diagnosing (hopefully using the best facts or judgment I have) what I'm up against while I DB so I choose better strategies (180s to do, cheeseless tunnels to avoid, etc) to follow. WAS? MLC? Depressed spouse? Passion meltdown? No infidelity signs so far and that is consistent with trauma history W endured pre-me. I expect this work will help me be a better participant in ANY relationship in the future. I am doing it to help myself be a better person and partner in general.
Boat19 - Great question. It won't change some things like the need to focus on myself, GAL, detach, and so on. Having a sense of which challenge I'm mostly up against helps me think through what is best for me. Why try slaying 4-to 5 dragons (causes for being here) when you're primarily up against one? MLCs are long hauls with no guarantee that any work one puts in will be a DB success story. However, as MWD suggests, I'd like to be able to honestly say I did within reason what was in my control and taught my D13 not to treat marriages as disposable. Each day that passes, if we do D, I feel quite good about my ability to walk away knowing I did all I could with the info I had at the time I had it. Hope that makes sense.
Sincere thanks to all three of you. I appreciate the chance to debate, receive push back, or get whacked across the head for being an unrealistic LBH. I swear I'm trying to walk the DB path as best as possible!
