Yesterday was a good day. I found myself feeling more optimistic, making progress in the detachment process (it felt less painful to be in W's physical presence, for lack of a better description of detachment), and I had more great connection with my kids. W is still seeking to engage and when she does I am cordial and upbeat but make sure to end the conversation quickly. I said "no" to a request she made and wasn't swayed by her reaction (huffed and stormed off).
But today has been "one of those days", which I am learning is to be expected. I am dwelling on "what could have been" and on what her life will be like post-D - she'll likely date sooner that me, retain certain friends that I'll then lose, etc. I recognize this kind of thinking is the exact opposite of detachment/opening the cage door so I'm using the thought-stopping process and it's helped. I'm also focused on taking action today to divert my attention: I have an IC session, busy work day, then a workout planned. And of course more fun this evening with my kids.
Overall I continue to train my brain in the process of detaching and thinking about my sitch objectively. When I'm doing that well I feel a real shift in my attitude: as I gain clarity it turns into confidence that I can have a much better life. And even though I know there will be days like today, I appreciate the value of the baby steps.
