Spouses usually feel quite confident about their decision. Realize that’s feel confident, not are confident. And feelings are temporary. Of course, W will effort to reinforce those feelings and decisions and choices. Still, with time and space, other feelings do seep in.
GAL, letting go, detaching, focusing on you, and such, are all behaviours and control of you, which allows time and space.
Doubts about her choice will first be but a whisper to her. She will work to quash such doubting whispers and feelings. Baiting you into arguments, reinforcing narratives, purposefully disbelieving any positive changes you’re displaying, and so on. Doubling down or triple down on her decision, pushing those other feelings out of the way.
Emotional turmoil, especial a crisis, is driven by feelings and depression. These folks are desperate. And desperate folks do desperate things. The situation does tend to get worse before it gets better. W needs to hit rock bottom before she will likely consider altering her path. Thing is, rock bottom is individual, it is different for everyone. Where and when someone hits it is a matter of them choosing such.
The holiday season and other special times do bring these spouses out. They miss their old lives, that family time, etc. The holidays do stir some of those other feelings - guilt, loss, shame, regret, and so on - as well. Peeks back, temp checks, anchor checks, are pretty common this time of year. Let her feelings work upon her.
Time and space. Focus on you. Stay out of the line of fire. Minimize the target she is, and will be, painting upon you. Continue moving forward.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
