SteveLW - I see what you mean. It felt like a short interaction to me (because I had a toothbrush in my mouth LOL), probably under 60 seconds. I agree it didn't need to go on that long. I made sure to end the conversation first and leave the room. I don't fee it was a negotiation. I'm going to do what I choose, irrespective of what W wants or her logic.
Regarding her confidence in whether to D, she's been sitting on moving forward for over 3 months. Lots of MLC behavior. Acting on impulses, perhaps getting a tat, lamenting what life could've been, blaming me for our not having more kids, regularly noting she's getting more gray hairs, and more. She wants stress and obligations she attributes to me off the table. She believes life will be easier if she only has to worry about herself and only about D13 50% of the time (W has acknowledged this part about D13 - they butt heads often). W has also said she's not sure what the right thing to do is.
I offer empathy and validation while getting out of the way as much as possible. I am moving forward "as if" the D is happening. For example, I'm touring potential housing options today. I do appreciate the perspectives you're offering, Boat and Steve.
