Rest

[Mach1]

Mach1, thank you

What does living your life as a single man mean to you ???

-freedom and simplicity in answering to God and myself for how I live my life. Not being shoehorned into a box I think W wants me to fit into. Being Christ centered having a strong sense of self and healthy relationships with family and others. Having unity in my family and not living a self centered life

-treating myself and others well

-being accountable to myself and those I chose to share my life with, work for and serve, in how I spend my time money and energy

-not being concerned with a relationship with a woman beyond friendships and community nor going to them for joy romantically or sexually unless I decide to start dating or courting

Please expand what I've put into bold above....

What does that mean to you ??

What does truly letting her go, look like to you ???

-making decisions and taking action for what is important for me as an individual healthy single family man rather than as her husband or to try to win her back

-having zero expectations of her and wanting the best for her but not taking responsibility for that

-being fair

What steps are you taking to facilitate any of that ???

What do you want your life to look like in 5 years ???

-healthy, wise, strong, confident, attractive family man with good friends who follows God sincerely, working playing and vacationing well

-in 5 years I want to have a life like DnJ’s, with a great home, feeling good about myself having strong healthy relationships with my family

-restored marriage hopefully, if not I don’t know I think in five years I would want to be single still unless God brought someone into my life that I can have a great relationship with. I would only want to proceed in that arena if I was building a great relationship whether that was with W or someone else

While that is a great overview...

I feel like you copied and pasted it from a cruise ship advertisement....

Sail with White Star Line cruises, and we can change your life !!!



Pinpoint your goals so that you can pinpoint your results....

So maybe try that again...???

What actions are you taking to get there ???

-taking care of myself and my family

-successfully returning to work after ptsd

-getting healthy financially, physically, relationally, spiritually, emotionally

-legal representation and financial advisor to plan to buy W out of house

-preventive health care, reaching out for help (therapy, church community, family, friends, these boards)

-detaching from W, moving in opposite direction from her

Again....

Aim small, miss small....

What fears are holding you back from truly moving forward for you ???

-I am afraid of W gaining an upper hand and taking more from me and our family. I have taken power back from her for me but I give too much thought and emotional energy to her still

-I am afraid of OM moving here to be her partner in our city. I am detaching as well as I can but indifference remains elusive for me

-I am afraid of my kids being unwell

The last one is a given, we all worry about that...

The first two ??

WHY are you so afraid of that, and how do you feel that they drive your actions ???

What are you so F-N afraid of ????

-afraid I will be psychologically reinjured in my work or unsuccessful in other ways with my work

-still afraid at times of being alone if I’m being honest though I have a lot more confidence that I will be fine. I am not alone I have great friends and family

You do seem to be afraid of being alone...

Alone.....is where your answers are though....


So, what scares the bejeezes out of you ??

Why do you fear it so much ??


How do you think that your "people pleasing" tendencies run your life ???

Because I feel like you really haven't found yourself, and you have merely spent the last year deflecting internal work by GAL activities, and the rest of your time, focusing your pleasing skills on somebody other than your STBX....

And you have failed yourself in the process....


All of those answers above, have very little to do with just you...

They are all ways to please everyone around, with very little focus on YOU becoming whole again...

Strong, Confidant, Self Secure, which ultimately leads to the things that attract other people to you....

And you cannot be anything for anybody else, until you are there for yourself.

And you seem to be too anxious to sell yourself, for everyone around you.

So maybe it's time to put your oxygen mask on Rock....