Yes the people wanting you to just walk away is hard. Ironically I work with two people that have been though this that I work with. My Boss was the first one to tell me it was mlc. Her and her husband were divorced for two years and she can relate to almost all I am going through. Funny enough I also know her husbands affair partner. They both divorced their spouses and both remarried their spouses. My boss and her husband after two years and his affair partner and her husband after 5 years.
Also a coworker that her husband had a hard upbringing and he went nuts for 7 years after he started an affair and she got him on drugs. He never left but they lost everything and it resulted in a baby girl. He finally broke down the other night crying and promising to fix everything he has ever put her through.
I will say like you said it is almost harder when they first come home. I do need to work on GAL more for sure. It has just been hard because I have so much on me with the kids, work, bills and our property. But I need to make time for myself. I have done much better on actually buying myself things. I never used to and everything that I made went to kids and family stuff. I am not ashamed of that but have realized that I was neglecting myself a lot.
I have really worked on letting him know that I do appreciate when he does things since he has been home. And yes, I sure am impatient for a normal relationship at home. My adult son is moving out in two weeks and as odd as it is I think that will help. I will at least take one thing that he uses as an excuse for us to not work out away. He is running out of them. (reasonable ones at least lol).
As far as going out with friends it is a high rope act. He doesn't like it when I am not home but I guess if he doesn't he may try and fix things. And he doesn't like it when I am just at home really either so I cant really win with that So I might as well be having fun.
I do run into issues with smart contact as far as just everyday stuff. He doesn't really like me just calling or txting for just conversation or everyday stuff but if i don't he says he he feels like I don't want to talk to him. And in those times I will tell him I am not sure what to do, assure Him that I do like to talk to him but that I don't want to push. but it is super awkward. All i can do is pray that his fogged up mind clears and we are able to work on things.
