Believe nothing she says. And only half of what she does.
Sorry, but in my experience what they admit too is a fraction of what they are guilty of. Cheaters are liars. If she admitted to 2 encounters 3 years ago, more than likely it's more encounters than 2 and more recently than 3 years ago. Most adulterers do not stop until they get caught.
As far as not wanting D, then why are you here? I think deep down you know she is willing to go that far to get what she wants. If you start insisting on changes she'll throw out the D threat faster than you can say "once a cheater always a cheater".
Her words are meaningless. Whether to you or others. What she tells them is what she thinks they need to hear in that moment.
Further, you admit she's a cake eater. She is looking for a Plan A. She's willing to ride it out until that plan becomes clear. We have a saying around here, "a monkey doesn't jump from the branch it's on until it finds another branch that can support it." That's the way WWs are. They are WAWs just waiting for the right path.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
