When she told you that the situation has been challenging for her, did you validate and invite her to share more? 'Yeah, I can imagine it's been hard. Tell me how it's been for you." If one of your challenges was listening to her about her every day things, listening to her, inviting her to share more, and validating when she makes a statement like that might be a 180 for you.
I did. I was trying to focus more on her than myself and validate her feelings while keeping things short and concise. She also asked me how I'd been feeling, so I was honest but ultimately said I was "OK" and would be OK. This is very hard for me because my instinct is to let her know how traumatic this entire experience has been, but I am trying not to do that.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
I like that you are reminding yourself that it doesn't change anything. But that is the danger in interactions. We as LBSs start thinking romantically. "Things must be better because we had a positive interaction!" This is why you should be avoiding interactions, not encouraging them and certainly never initiating them!
Definitely! I have not and will not be initiating these interactions unless absolutely necessary. I felt a weird boost of energy after she left because I couldn't help myself but feel positive about the friendly interaction even though we clearly discussed asset division and there were no indication of her backtracking in any way. It's like my mind was tricking me into thinking that "maybe there's a chance!" which I know is the wrong way of thinking.
Overall, I'm happy I've been able to stick with my no contact rule. It hasn't been easy, but I know it's the best thing to do. I think she may be a bit surprised that I haven't been chasing her more, but I can't say for sure.
I'm back to working out every day and focusing on work as much as possible. I'm starting to explore ways to meet new people. Unfortunately I'm still having trouble sleeping and the constant nightmares are messing with me when I first wake up.
