When your h does something be sure to let him know that you appreciate it. They didn't get positive affirmation when they were young, so it helps to recognize their efforts when they are positive.
When things get to be too much, take a walk, a nice drive also helps. Doing something for you will help you overcome that "overwhelmed" feeling. Life is difficult at times, but when you have someone you love in crisis, it gets even more difficult because people do not understand what is going on w/him and the situation. Most people will want you to walk away from the relationship and find someone new. Until they have walked a mile in your shoes, they will not understand.
Learn to stop and smell the roses, breathe and each day, find something to be thankful for. Make a list of activities/hobbies that you would like to start in the new year. These activities are for you and you alone. If your h shows an interest and wants to participate, he will ask to join you. If he doesn't, then do them on your own. They are for you and your sanity. When someone returns home, this is the hardest part of the journey. Why? Because we want them to be back to normal asap and it sure doesn't work that way. It takes months and even maybe years for some of them.
Dig deeper for patience and understanding. He has to work through his issues and heal. Be kind to yourself and keep your expectations at zero at all times. Remember to breathe!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
