Well I’m still here. Doing the right thing not being stuck being nice or cowardly. This is really hard and a grind. It’s not a sprint and I don’t see a quick fix. But I plan to be strong and healthy and here for my family hopefully for a long time .
It's not a sprint, but there are basics that aren't hard to learn. I am 6 1/2 months post-BD and here's what I do (and don't) do:
1. I don't call W or any member of her family. I don't text them either. Ever.
2. If W texts, I determine if the text requires and answer or not. If it does, I reply in the fewest words possible (often 1-3 words if I can). If the text does not require an answer (if it's more informational or is a photo or something), I do not reply at all.
3. If W wants to speak to me in person, it is usually something related to our boys or other family matters. I pay attention and keep my replies only to what needs to be said. Conversation is ended as quickly as possible.
Just do these things. All the time. Every day. Will they get your (or my) wife back? Probably not. Frankly, I am not sure I want mine back anymore, and I have no desire to associate with her family since they are supporting her extramarital affair and are treating the affair partner as "family" now. But what this will do is help you detach. Breaking the cycle of dependency is hard, but after 18 months I think clear progress should have been made.
Me 59 W 47 T 26 M 23 S18, S14 BD May 2023 D filed June 2023 OM1 confirmed: December 2023 OM2 confirmed: October 2023
