Well I’m still here. Doing the right thing not being stuck being nice or cowardly. This is really hard and a grind. It’s not a sprint and I don’t see a quick fix. But I plan to be strong and healthy and here for my family hopefully for a long time .
“I took my parents out for lunch and let them know that W is staying at her mom’s. I had chosen not to talk about any of this with them before yesterday”
“My mom and dad knew but they respected our privacy and expressed support without being pushy.”
These statements just flat out contradict each other and yet were made back to back. So which one is true? They either didn’t know when you took them out to lunch and didn’t talk trash as you kept it simple, or they already knew and that entire post wasn’t close to the truth.
Also your 3 youngest have all been over to help there grand mother on their mothers side has zero to do with their inability to speak to your parents about it. Also why point out they all live in town? I find that weird considering 2 of them are special needs and supposedly live with you. Isn’t that why you constantly have to have contact about your adult kids?
Why did you speak to your ex about her uncle? Why did you call your ex mother in law? What purpose did that serve other than to feed your addiction?
Whether you’re still here doing the right there is certainly debatable, it isn’t debatable that you are stuck. You are the most stuck I’ve encountered here. Yes it is hard and a grind, except you’ve been here for what…15 months or so and I can’t point to any progress personally. You use that statement as an excuse for your inability to move forward regardless of what that looks like. Or you just aren’t a genuine poster.
I’m gonna be honest, the last day or two of your posts have been eye opening. You aren’t telling the truth and that’s now confirmed. I really don't know if you’re real because I have never encountered someone who just completely and totally refuses to accept accountability the way you do. You’ve gotten the most attention out of all the posters and in return you refuse to even listen to step 1. If you are real all you do is reaffirm to your ex you’re weak and easy to manipulate and reaffirm you haven’t listen to much coming from anyone on this side.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
Well I’m still here. Doing the right thing not being stuck being nice or cowardly. This is really hard and a grind. It’s not a sprint and I don’t see a quick fix. But I plan to be strong and healthy and here for my family hopefully for a long time .
It's not a sprint, but there are basics that aren't hard to learn. I am 6 1/2 months post-BD and here's what I do (and don't) do:
1. I don't call W or any member of her family. I don't text them either. Ever.
2. If W texts, I determine if the text requires and answer or not. If it does, I reply in the fewest words possible (often 1-3 words if I can). If the text does not require an answer (if it's more informational or is a photo or something), I do not reply at all.
3. If W wants to speak to me in person, it is usually something related to our boys or other family matters. I pay attention and keep my replies only to what needs to be said. Conversation is ended as quickly as possible.
Just do these things. All the time. Every day. Will they get your (or my) wife back? Probably not. Frankly, I am not sure I want mine back anymore, and I have no desire to associate with her family since they are supporting her extramarital affair and are treating the affair partner as "family" now. But what this will do is help you detach. Breaking the cycle of dependency is hard, but after 18 months I think clear progress should have been made.
Me 59 W 47 T 26 M 23 S18, S14 BD May 2023 D filed June 2023 OM1 confirmed: December 2023 OM2 confirmed: October 2023
W told me today that her uncle is dying in hospital.
How (what words) exactly did you respond?
Originally Posted by Rockon
My instinct is to...
How's that working for you? Is she turned on by this? When is the last time your were intimate with your wife? When was the last time she was intimate with someone? Are those two numbers the same?
Last edited by DnJ; 12/04/2303:59 PM. Reason: Corrected quote syntax.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Hi Joseph, my parents are smart strong and loving with good boundaries. They have been around the block and seen a lot. They are humble and have been there for our family through the hardest of circumstances. Over this year and a half, W has virtually ghosted them.
I waited until this week to open up to them about what I and our family are going through and yet I was still careful in language and where emphasized my focus in sharing with them. So they knew that we were having struggles but didn’t know she was living at her moms. Now they do.
I was referring to the three kids in town - eldest and granddaughter are a good distance away - who have spent time with all grandparents and been involved in each others lives through this whole time.
Youngest son lives with me and is doing well. Youngest daughter moved out this fall and is doing well with supports.
“Why did you speak to your ex about her uncle? Why did you call your ex mother in law? What purpose did that serve other than to feed your addiction?”
W was talking to me about S and stated that her uncle is dying in hospital. This was a beloved uncle in our family. I called MIL to voice my care.
