Welp, he just left the house without saying a word to me and I’m trying not to be hysterical. My entire body is pins and needles. Is this normal?! How do people cope?!
H 48 W 48 S 18(still lives with us) S 29(mine) D 28 S 27(his who live out of state)
I have a coach. I have been doing that. Its not enough, and often at times his actions affect me so greatly. Its so difficult to do anything when I feel in limbo. I mentioned about re-doing my home office. My coach said go for it! But what if I do and H divorces me and takes the house? What the heck is the point then?
So often I try to go gave fun and he goes to 3 bars and I just can’t stop thinking and talking about it. It has ruined my time over and over lately.
Here is the thing. You can control all of that. You are letting yourself of the hook by saying *I can't help it". But yes, you can.
What if your husband instead of divorcing you died suddenly? Would you sit and never get over it? Or would you mourn the loss and then move forward?
This is really not any different. Mourn that you are losing him, then move forward.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Welp, he just left the house without saying a word to me and I’m trying not to be hysterical. My entire body is pins and needles. Is this normal?! How do people cope?!
Yes when your are overly attached. Only you can emotionally detach yourself from him.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So often I try to go gave fun and he goes to 3 bars and I just can’t stop thinking and talking about it. It has ruined my time over and over lately.
Here, I fixed it for you.
Quote
I can’t stop thinking about it because I don’t have the skills to deal with this on my own - so I’m going to see a psychologist so that I know what to do. Previously, I HAVE ALLOWED him to ruin my time over and over, but now I’ve realised that it’s me who controls me and my feelings, not his cr***y behaviour. This is temporary, it will get better.
Welp he unfriended me on social media. I’m unsure exactly when that happened as I logged out about a week ago to detach. I guess he’s doing it for me. For crying out loud our kids will see this. Again, how sad. I really was hoping to at the very least post something mutual about our situation but here I am. Honestly, I’m not surprised.
I figured out what my issue is, I haven’t been to the gym since Tuesday. Ive been going every other day. I went mon and tues and my body was pissed at me so here I am. Lesson learned.
H 48 W 48 S 18(still lives with us) S 29(mine) D 28 S 27(his who live out of state)
Mine did that. Ironically, one of the things I’m most grateful for 👏👏👏
I’m guessing with what he’s doing, you’re better off not seeing it.
He doesn’t care about your feelings. Or your kid’s feelings when they realise. You need to stop this self talk of “doesn’t he realise what he’s doing, what the kids are seeing etc.” HE DOESNT. And won’t for a long time.
He’s in complete emotional turmoil, and the only thing he cares about right now is himself. The sooner you realise his sh***y behaviour isn’t directed at you, the sooner you’ll learn to compartmentalise what’s going on.
It’s going to get better mate. This is the worst bit.
I guarantee you in a month, a year, five years… you’ll feel better than you do right now.
You can’t accelerate his bin fire MLC craziness. But you can accelerate your recovery. You can struggle on for years, or you can get some intensive therapy and get there much faster.
I really appreciate the support. I’m currently making a list of attorneys to call. I have a few days off this week so plenty of time to do all this.
Steve, I read through one of your pinned old posts about loving WAS. It is so very helpful. I’m definitely one who loves being married, but not my husband. He’s never been the one for me. I’ve always had tons of fear. It’s time.
H 48 W 48 S 18(still lives with us) S 29(mine) D 28 S 27(his who live out of state)
Snowball I am so sorry you are going through this. It [censored]. It really does, and while you don’t want to believe it, it will get better. There are blue skies ahead out of this storm. I just wanted to say you need to really dig deep and do the work now on you, and letting H go and spiral down his rabbit hole. You only control one thing in this world and that YOU. Right now H controls you too. Your every thought and feeling is around him, his actions, trying to make sense of something that even he doesn’t know what he feels or wants. You need to gain back your own control and let him go. It will be the only way that you don’t get emotionally drained and destroyed. And it’s the only way you have any chance of saving this. Believe me we have all been in your shoes so I speak honestly when I say I know exactly how it feels to let every thought and action be centred around H and his craziness. Find a way to help you detach and gain your own control again. It takes a lot of work but it’s worth it.
Now, you want your H back. Like we all do. Here is a little something someone told me which I Love. Imagine being in a bar. At this bar there is a woman in the corner who is crying and yelling at her partner and clinging to him, getting angry with him etc, then there is a second woman in the middle of the dance floor smiling laughing having fun and having the absolute time of her life. You can bet your bottom dollar the single men are more interested in getting around the fun happy woman in the middle than the one that’s a crying begging mess. The fun carefree one is far more attractive far more appealing.The men would want to be around that-heck anyone would. Start to find ways to be the girl on the dance floor, smiling, carefree and having the time of your life. Because guarantee your MlC spouse isn’t having the time of his life right now( despite what we imagine them to be doing)
M:41 H:48 T:20. M:16.5 BD: 15/12/22 -moved out 17/3/2023
