I've just read and watched thousands of articles, message boards, podcasts, videos, etc, and the story is nearly always the same. We've seen it here for years, right down to the same exact talking points.
Some days it's helpful to know that my situation is far from unique. I've been consuming similar content for ~2 years now and it has helped me understand the dynamic. It's also forced me to accept that I can only control me and my W may only "come around" if SHE fully realizes the damage she has done to herself and the family and has a desire to change. I have zero expectations.
Today is a more difficult day after a nice string of optimistic ones. Living together while having no real relationship has been a struggle and I am always more centered when we're physically apart. I find that some of my optimism lately has been around discovering the DB process and becoming hopeful that this is the "cure" to our problems, which I know rationally is not true. The DB process can be used to address MY problems, not the marital ones.
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
Yes. But you aren't ready to divorce yet so thats why you tolerate it.
So don't worry about it bc you aren't ready to make a change.
I will challenge this. I am ready to divorce, though not excited about it. Discovering the A and the years of deception pushed me to the point where I am willing to end the MR. I've asked her to move out but she refuses, and my attorney has advised me to stay in the home as well. Otherwise I'd be gone by now. So in the meantime I'm here, she's here, and I'm focused on the 180 and GAL. The main change in the last two weeks is that instead of not speaking to one another, I am cheerful, fun, and optimistic.
Emotionally detaching and seeing her for what she is has been very helpful as well. As a friend put it to me recently: "Let's say you're single a year from now. Would you consider dating a woman like your W?" The answer is no: if I met an attractive, single mother of 3 who had been out until 2am the night before I wouldn't give her the time of day.
