So the question I have is this: is it still a deal breaker and you're just afraid of what that means? Or are you really willing to do the hard work necessary, and require it of her too, in order to heal from it? And please do not gloss over the second part of that. Requiring hard work from her is absolutely necessary. Marriages do not heal from infidelity without the cheater agreeing to work at it too. If you're willing to accept it without her owning it and working then that means you are giving it up as a deal breaker out of fear.
Thank you Steve - this is a spot-on summary of where I am right now, and it's the question I've asked myself since DDay in September. The conclusion I've come to is this: I am willing to remain in my MR if I see an earnest effort from my W to do the work. I've come a long way in understanding the ways in which I came up short in the MR (a process I began long before the A was confirmed), and I expect my W to do the same (and more) if she wants things to continue. I have very little hope that this will happen, but I am willing to be patient for now and observe her behavior/actions.
