Second roller coaster ride (part 3)

[Ready2Change]

Ignore. Stay out of her business.

Focus on yourself. Controlling behavior is unattractive.

[Card29]

Ready you'd be proud, I made her laugh after I saw the picture. "Hey I got another look at it, nice". Thought of your advice. Thankfully was blissfully unaware at that point of what the pic probably was

[Ready2Change]

Ready you'd be proud, I made her laugh after I saw the picture. "Hey I got another look at it, nice". Thought of your advice. Thankfully was blissfully unaware at that point of what the pic probably was

Ya, being quick and witty.

"Nice! Who is she?" (as if you didn't recognize them)


Gota stay out of your head and enjoy whatever is going on, even if the sitch is tough...

[SteveLW]

Ignore. Stay out of her business.

Focus on yourself. Controlling behavior is unattractive.

Print this out. Carry with you.

[Card29]

Ready you'd be proud, I made her laugh after I saw the picture. "Hey I got another look at it, nice". Thought of your advice. Thankfully was blissfully unaware at that point of what the pic probably was

Ya, being quick and witty.

"Nice! Who is she?" (as if you didn't recognize them)


Gota stay out of your head and enjoy whatever is going on, even if the sitch is tough...

The first thing I said was actually "who's nipple?" haha

[Card29]

Ignore. Stay out of her business.

Focus on yourself. Controlling behavior is unattractive.

Print this out. Carry with you.

I've been thinking of it. Thankfully I didn't act on it and she has no idea I've even thought of the picture beyond that moment. And after I posted on here, I got over it. Hasn't bothered me a bit in the last week. Thanks for the support, everyone.

[Card29]

Just left another IC session, my first since October. Primary topics were:

1. I know I need to be single for a while, but know my tendency is to jump to the next R. Can't do that this time. We talked about some of the specific needs and how to work through them. It's okay to feel the desire to have a companion, to feel that, but then to acknowledge why it's not good for me, my life and my kids right now. She recommended a book to me that's apparently heavy work, but potentially rewarding: You Are the One You've Been Waiting For. It can potentially help me learn more about myself, things that started in my formative years. Some of it I'm already aware of, but I'm hoping it will uncover some new things.

2. We talked about how I'm stuck at my career. I think it stems from complacency everywhere in my life. I feel strong motivation to change. Either a new company with the same job, a new engineering career path, or something completely different. She suggested using the weeks I don't have either kid to have scheduled days that I have earmarked for this. Maybe it's Tuesdays, and I use that evening to update a resume, etc. She also gave me a contact for a career coach that will help polish a resume and other things.

3. She suggested making a vision board and described what that process looks like. Supposed to help uncover what you really want. Said "it's not for everyone" but I'm going to give it a try when I don't have the kids around.

[Pattnee5]

Sounds Great Card. Goals are good. I’ve never been able to manage vision boards. Seem they get filed away and never looked at when I do them.
Sounds you are heading the right path though. I couldn’t think of anything worse than a new relationship right now. I don’t even know if I’ll ever be ready. I want to find my own feet again for a while. It’s hard when you still love your MLC spouse so much. Mine leaves after Christmas so life is surely going to be very different

[SteveLW]

Just a quick observation, vision boards are good to get you thinking about the future and future goals. I agree with Patnee that I think they are an exercise and not necessarily a goal management tool.

But I certainly think they can help. I'm more of a reader than a visualizer so I tend to write down my goals instead.

[Card29]

Yeah the way my counselor described vision boards is they're a tool that helps some people figure out what they truly want, what motivates them, etc. It's not for everyone. I figure it's an easy thing to try one of the nights I don't have my kids. I'm going to start accumulating magazines for the time being, then I'll pick a week I'm alone at home and just see what happens. No expectations.

I couldn’t think of anything worse than a new relationship right now.

I also can't imagine starting a new relationship right now. That helps offset the current desire I have for a companion in the house every night. I do have a strongly independent side to myself, and I think I'm going to love getting to know it again. When I was in college, I had a dream to walk/ride a bike across the US. Of course I'm not going to do that right now because of the little ones and other reasons (money, my lower back haha). But I do think I'll go for an adventure next year. Maybe a solo trip to a new country.

I don’t even know if I’ll ever be ready. I want to find my own feet again for a while. It’s hard when you still love your MLC spouse so much. Mine leaves after Christmas so life is surely going to be very different

One thing I've learned going through a separation / D twice now is however permanent things seems, they will almost always change. No need to be concerned about whether or not you'll be ready for a relationship with someone new in the future. My guess is you will, but it doesn't matter right now. Especially with your WAH moving to the US soon, you have more big changes to experience. As crappy as it is that he's leaving, especially leaving his kids behind, I still hopeful it gives you that extra boost of detachment to rocket you into your future, whether it's with or without him.