Hi Maturin and welcome. I hear what you're struggling with related to establishing and enforcing various boundaries. I'd suggest thinking about "opening the cage door" and including some "invisible fencing" to address when a boundary gets broken. If you are the one home with your kids while your wife is out until the wee hours all the time and you've clearly communicated a boundary around this behavior, then let's think about what meaningful action you could consider taking. I'm not saying I've mastered this by far. Worst case scenario, maybe you do file for D. Filing doesn't mean it goes forward. But, it does show you meant it when you said you had boundaries (like no affairs, perpetually staying out after 2 am, etc.). I admit it is the nuclear option. On the lower end of the scale, are there any things you currently do for her that you can STOP doing in direct response to her behavior? For example, some Hs handle certain tasks for their Ws. Maybe it is time to "resign" from providing those courtesies. Just trying to get some brainstorming started. Best of luck.
